


Gay Best Friend

by bleubirdiebb



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxious Jeon Jungkook, Attempted Sexual Assault, Dancer Park Jimin (BTS), Depression, Disassociation, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jeon Jungkook & Park Jimin are Best Friends, Jeon Jungkook is Bad at Feelings, Jeon Jungkook-centric, Kim Seokjin | Jin is a Good Hyung, M/M, Painter Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin (BTS) is a Good Friend, Photographer Kim Taehyung | V, Soft Jeon Jungkook, Soft Min Yoongi | Suga, Unhealthy Relationships, but just with kissing, everyone is so soft and sad, it starts off sweet but ohhhh boy buckle up folks, life is bad but like we can get through it together, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleubirdiebb/pseuds/bleubirdiebb
Summary: Jeon Jungkook had been hunted by misfortune his whole life. From his parents who were too caught up in their own wealth to notice him, to the anxiety he felt with his every breath.He was a mess, in every sense of the word. But even though he knew he didn’t deserve them, people kept coming and promising to stay. Promising that one day, he would see himself just as they do. Jungkook hoped that day would come soon. Because growing up meant a lot of things. And for him one of those things was growing closer to the edge, to that drop off into really, truly losing it.He could only pray the hands holding him back would stay strong in their grip. Because Jeon Jungkook was a lot things, and strong was not one of them.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Min Yoongi | Suga, Jeon Jungkook/Original Male Character(s), Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Taehyung | V/Park Jimin, Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 32
Kudos: 113





	1. Childhood

Jeon Jungkook was a lot of things. He was a gifted artist (or so his teacher said), a best friend to Park Jimin , a younger brother to Kim Seokjin (or so Jin pretended). But most shamefully, Jeon Jungkook was gay.

He’d known this for a long time, of course. He knew it the first time he watched a K-drama and wished he could be in the lead actresses place. He knew it from the first time he went to one of Park Jimin’s dance competitions and couldn’t stop staring at Jimin’s older classmate. He knew it from the way the new kid, who Jung Hoseok seemed to have already adopted, made his heart do things no girl had ever made it do.

But Jungkook was simply not allowed to be gay. His parents had made that very clear from a young age. Jungkook’s babysitter had invited her friend over and together they had painted his nails, giggling as they talked about Big Bang’s latest comeback. When Jungkook’s parents came home from their meeting, they were furious. His father refused to pay the girls, his mother had them blacklisted from the neighborhood. Together they had screamed at Jungkook for hours. Jungkook had gone to sleep guilty and with a pit in his stomach that made him skip breakfast and lunch the next day. Because he had liked it. He liked listening to the girls talk about boys, had liked the feeling of his nails being painted a soft shade of blue.

In the end, it didn’t matter what he felt because Jeons were not gay and that was final. So Jungkook buried it deep. That is until he met one Park Jimin on a hot summer day.

Jimin wasn’t new in town, but he had never been to the playground at the same time as Jungkook before, so he was new enough. If Jungkook thought back, he could still remember that day crystal clear.

He could remember falling from the monkey bars, hands blistered from hours of climbing. He had been tired, but his parents were talking about adult things with someone else’s parents so he wasn’t allowed to leave yet.

Jungkook remembered laying on the hard dirt, staring up at the sky through the bars of the jungle gym. The sun was warm on his skin as he lay there, trying to slow his breathing. He had been playing for a long time, running around so much he hadn’t been aware of how sore his feet were, how exhausted he was.

Then, above him was a shadow, blocking his view of the sky. Peculiarly, the shadow was above the bars, not below. Soon enough, the shadow’s head poked down, grinning at Jungkook with chubby cheeks and eyes like crescent moons.

“Hi! I’m Jimin? Are you dead?” The shadow asked cheerfully. Jungkook’s first thought was that this person was quite strange.

“I’m Jungkook, and I’m alive.” He replied, watching Jimin warily.

“Why are you laying down like that?” Jimin asked.

“I fell,” Jungkook explained and Jimin nodded seriously.

“Then we should be friends,” Jimin announced, moving so he was hanging from the monkey bars with his hands.

“Why?” Jimin grinned, let go of the bars and landed next to Jungkook with a soft “oof.”

“Because I fell too.”

Jungkook and Jimin became inseparable after that. Together they survived the change between childhood and early adolescence, though Jungkook wasn’t sure how Jimin had ever had the patience to bear with Jungkook’s emo phase.

In 8th grade, things changed. A new boy had transferred to their school. He was weird. But not weird in the way Jimin was weird. Weird in the way that he brought his pet lizard, Allison, to school and introduced her to others along with himself.

Jungkook would have been fine never talking to the transfer student, but Jimin was a social butterfly and Jimin was all he had. The new kid’s name was Kim Taehyung and he had to move because of his father’s new job. Taehyung mentioned he was into photography, making Jimin send a pointed glance to Jungkook, who had been into art for almost his whole life. But Jungkook refused to befriend Taehyung. That didn’t stop Jimin, however. Jimin and Taehyung got on friendly terms ridiculously fast. At the time, Jungkook was shy and self-conscious and refused to share his only friend. He decided then, that if he couldn’t have Jimin to himself, he wouldn’t have Jimin at all.

For about a month, Jungkook avoided Jimin, who had suddenly become Taehyung’s best and only friend. It seemed Jimin was good at being people’s only friend. But then Jungkook’s parents got mad at him for getting a bad grade on a test and he took it hard. He always seemed to let them down and fall under fire of their harsh words, but with all the stress building upon him, Jungkook had a breakdown.

It was nearing 2 am and Jungkook was alone in the park where he had met Jimin, finger hovering over the call button. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground, but Jungkook had forgotten a jacket when he ran out of his house. Jimin had been far out of Jungkook’s reach for a long time. He wondered, briefly, if Jimin would even answer his call.

At 2:30 am, Jungkook stopped shivering. He knew enough about the human body to know that was a bad thing. But the thought of going home made his gut twist. Once again Jungkook pulled up Jimin’s contact, finger hitting the call button before his mind could overthink again. It rang three times before Jimin picked up.

“Jungkook? What’s up?” Jimin’s voice was rough with sleep. Jungkook hesitated, guilt flooding him immediately.

“Jungkook? Are you okay?” Jimin asked, sounding much more awake and much more concerned. Jungkook felt his eyes well up.

“I just… can I stay at your house tonight?” He asked quietly. It wouldn’t be the first time Jungkook had staying the night at Jimin’s like that. Every time Jungkook had a bad fight with his parents, or just couldn’t handle feeling so soul-crushingly alone, Jimin let him stay over, never asking too many questions. Simply offering warmth. The comfort of being close to someone who loved him.

“Of course. Are you okay?” Jimin answered right away. Jungkook felt his cheeks dampen. He didn’t deserve so much kindness.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” Jungkook hung up, shoving his phone into the pocket of his jeans. The park wasn’t far from Jimin’s house, but the walk felt long in the cold. He got to Jimin’s house after about ten minutes of walking, his body and mind felt numb. Jimin was waiting by the backdoor.

“Jungkook,” Jimin pulled him inside, gasping at the cold, “Jesus, you’re freezing.”

“Sorry,” Jungkook mumbled, staring at the floor. Suddenly, Jimin’s arms were wrapped tightly around him. Jungkook didn’t think he’d been hugged since he distanced himself from Jimin in the first place. And that was what broke him.

Jungkook let his head fall onto Jimin’s shoulder and sobbed, not bothering to be quiet for the sake of Jimin’s parents. They knew Jungkook’s family situation well enough to understand.

The next day Jungkook woke up at noon with a cold. Jimin’s parents had called both boys in sick, despite only one being their actual kid, a feat only Jimin’s mother could pull off. Jungkook’s head still felt numb and distant, but it didn’t feel so debilitating with Jimin taking care of him. He was brought tea and blankets and the warmth he had been craving. It almost hurt how much he had missed it.

That night, Jimin insisted he stay again, and Jungkook couldn’t refuse. Jimin hugged Jungkook tight to his chest, despite the bed being large enough for them to sleep spread out.

“Jungkook,” Jimin said, the room too dark for Jungkook to read his expression, “Don’t disappear on me again, okay?”

“Okay,” Jungkook promised, meaning it with his full heart and soul.


	2. Freshman Year pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's still just beginning and Jungkook is learning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long one ladies and gents. Enjoy ;)

As it turned out, Jimin had started dating Taehyung in the month Jungkook was gone. He was happy for his friend, but there was that pit in his gut when he remembered his own situation. Ga Yeon and Eunji painting his nails blue like the sky, his parents screaming and screaming and screaming.  _ You don’t want to look like that Jungkook. You don’t want people to think that about you. What would they say about you? About us? _

Jimin and Taehyung didn’t care about what others thought. Jungkook wished he could be that brave. But he wasn’t. So he kept it hidden from others. Jimin and Taehyung knew, at least. It had been a tearful night when he told them, but it ended with Jungkook feeling so soft and loved and warm.

After 8th-grade Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung entered high school as a united force. No man left behind. Except when it came to electives, of course. 

Jimin chose fitness and health because of some bullshit “dancers need to take care of their bodies” reason. Taehyung took photography because he would get to use one of the school’s nice cameras for free the whole year. Jungkook chose painting as his elective, though his parents tried to push him into doubling up on math.

It was scary to not know anyone in a class. Jungkook had been blessed by having either Taehyung or Jimin or both in all of his other classes. But as he fell into the rhythm of the school year, Jungkook found himself enjoying the peaceful solitude of art class. He could blast music in his earbuds and just focus on the art in front of him.

Well, at first he could. There was a senior in his class named Kim Seokjin who seemed to be friends with everyone. Everyone but Jungkook that is.

One day while he was painting the snowy landscape that was his quarter one project, Kim Seokjin sat down with all of his supplies on the empty stool next to Jungkook. Pausing his music, Jungkook looked to Seokjin in confusion.

“Hello,” said Seokjin with a big smile.

“Hello?” Jungkook replied carefully, looking around to see if anyone else knew what was happening. Life seemed to be normal for his peers, however, as everyone was just working like usual.

“You’re Jungkook, right? You’re very talented.” Seokjin stated, his tone leaving little room to argue. Jungkook wouldn’t say he was talented. In fact, his art seemed dull in comparison to others in his class. But he wasn’t about to fight with a senior in the one class he had no one to help defend him.

“Um, yeah, thanks,” Jungkook muttered, looking down at the paint-stained floor.

“But you should talk more.” Seokjin criticized. Jungkook’s head whipped up, expression twisting with bewilderment.

“Huh?” Seokjin sighed.

“I’ve seen you in the hallway. With your friends. You brighten right up. Seeing you all alone in the corner makes me sad. You should talk more.” He explained. Face heating up, Jungkook lowered his eyes again.

“My friends aren’t in this class.” Seokjin sighed again.

“I guess that means I’ll have to be your art friend then.” Jungkook didn’t understand it.

“Seokjin, I-” He started a nervous frown planted on his face.

“No, no, none of that. Call me Jin. And it’s not like I’m forcing you to be my friend outside of class. I’ll just be your art class only friend. In the halls we don’t even have to acknowledge each other. We could even be enemies if you want. Art class friends and hallway enemies. Now that’s some good high school drama, right?” Jin chattered excitedly. Jungkook couldn’t help his small smile.

“You’re weird.” He laughed. Jin’s face brightened even more.

“You’re so cute when you smile! Screw art class friendship, I’m adopting you. You’re my son now, I hope that’s okay with you.” Jungkook blushed, lowering his head in embarrassment.

“Why do I have to be your son? If we have to be family-”

“If we  _ have _ to be family? Don’t be ungrateful,” Jin scolded, looking and talking a lot like Jimin’s mother.

“If we have to be family why can’t you be, like, my older brother or something less weird,” Jungkook suggested. Jin pursed his lips in thought.

“Good idea. Now, as your older brother, I order you to get me one of those tiny tipped paint brushes.” Jin demanded, organizing his supplies on the table.

“You can’t do that.” Jungkook scrunched up his nose.

“If I’m your older brother I can. Respect your seniors.” Jungkook stared at him for a moment, waiting for the joke. It didn’t come. With a sigh, he made his way over to the supply shelf in search of a paintbrush. While he was looking, his teacher, Ms. Kang approached him.

“I see Jin’s attached himself to you.” She noted, a soft smile on her slightly wrinkled face.

“Oh, um, yeah. I guess he has.” Jungkook stuttered, glancing over at Jin who was, to Jungkook’s horror, taking a picture of Jungkook’s unfinished painting.

“Want me to move him? You work so well and Jin… he has his own methods.” Ms. Kang offered. Jin was notoriously loud and bothersome. But Jungkook…he knew Jimin would want him to make more friends.

“It’s okay. Maybe he’ll inspire me.” Jungkook tried to smile, but it came off as more of a grimace. Ms. Kang laughed lightly.

“If you need your space I’ll get him off your back. Discreetly, of course.” Jungkook thanked her, then grabbed the smallest paintbrush he could find and returned to Jin. He sat down with a huff and extended the paintbrush for Jin to grab.

“You actually got me one! I thought you were just going to tell Ms. Kang to make me leave.” Jin took the brush with a grin.

“She offered, but it seemed disrespectful to kick out my older brother.” Jungkook joked. Jin chuckled but got distracted by something on his phone. Biting his lip, Jungkook glanced down at his painting. The winter landscape seemed dull. Lacking life or color. Most of his paintings were dull, he realized suddenly.

“Why did you take a picture of my painting?” Jungkook asked, looking back up at Jin, who grinned sheepishly.

“Ah, you saw that? See, my friend, Hobi, he’s looking for someone to help design some sets for the dance showcase. I’ve been sending him samples of the other kid’s art. Thought I’d make my way round to you.” Jin explained and Jungkook’s heart sank. So that was it then. He wasn’t really trying to be friends at all.

“My art’s not very good. It’s boring.” Jungkook mumbled, looking down distastefully at his painting. Seeing it now, he noticed several areas that were poorly blended. Trees that weren’t proportioned quite right. Oddly shaded snow. It was flawed and dull and he was sure even Ms. Kang would hate it.

“It’s lovely, Jungkook. Hobi is looking for something a little brighter though. But you’re so good I’m sure you could handle it.” Jin reassured him. Jungkook frowned, feeling bold all of a sudden.

“Is that why you sat here today? Just to see my art?” Jungkook accused. Jin flinched back.

“I- no. I do want to be your friend. The art was just an excuse. I mean, everyone needs a friend.” Jin looked at him hopefully. Jungkook weighed his options. He could go back to his painting and ignore Jin. Or he could try something new. Start his quarter one project over. Make something he  _ liked _ .

“Fine, you can stay. But you have to go get me a new canvas.” Jungkook said.

“What? If I stay I have to run your errands?” Jin asked and Jungkook couldn’t help his smug grin.

“Older brothers are supposed to take care of their younger siblings aren’t they?”

“So what do you think?” Jungkook asked, knee jogging as he watched Jimin and Taehyung examine his sketchbook. They looked at each other, doing that silent communication thing Jungkook could never quite pick up on.

“It’s good,” Jimin said finally. Jungkook furrowed his brow at his friend’s tone. It sounded like there should be a but.

“That’s it?” Jungkook picked at his thumb. Taehyung noticed and grabbed his hand to make him stop.

“It’s good, but it doesn’t really feel like you,” Taehyung added. Taking back his sketchbook, Jungkook reviewed the drawing he’d shown them. It was much more abstract than anything he’d ever tried before, with brighter colors and sharper designs. No matter what he changed or added, it never felt quite done.

“Did my old art feel like me?” Jungkook prompted. They hesitated. That was bad.

“It was also good,” Jimin answered. Groaning, Jungkook let his head fall onto the lunch table.

“Jungkook, you just have to find your style. It’s hard, but with your talent-” Taehyung encouraged.  _ With his talent _ . Everyone kept saying that. Jungkook wondered if he really had talent or if those were just more meaningless reassurances.

“It’s whatever. I’ll just restart my project again.” Jungkook interrupted. Taehyung ruffled his hair.

“Right, you’ll get it done in no time.” Taehyung said, “You should eat, Kook. You’ve barely touched your food.” Jungkook glanced down at his untouched tray. He felt full. But maybe that was just the anxiety in his stomach.

“You know, that design might work for this other project. The dance captain, Hoseok, he’s looking for someone to design a backdrop. Do you want me to talk to him for you?” Jimin offered. Jungkook bit at his lip. Of course Jimin would also know Hoseok. Of course he’d know about this opportunity. But Jungkook… he wasn’t good enough.

“I should probably just focus on my project.” He said. His excuse felt weak and fake. If Jimin and Taehyung saw through it, which he was sure they did, they didn’t say anything.

Jungkook spent the rest of lunch poking at his food, listening to Jimin and Taehyung complain about some teacher who caught them kissing in the bathroom and gave them detention.

That night, he stared at the drawing. It was too sharp. Too bright. It felt wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It was a mess. He would have to try again. He had to get it right. Find that line in between sharp and soft. Bright and dull. He had to make something that felt like him.

But who was he? He wasn’t bright like Jin or dull like his parents. He was Jungkook. And he didn’t know what that meant just yet.

There was approximately one week left in the first quarter and Jungkook’s anxiety was through the roof. His project was still a blank canvas and his sketchbook was full of ideas that were all  _ wrong _ . Ms. Kang seemed to be concerned, as even Jin, who’s artistic ability was quite lacking, was almost finished and Jungkook still had nothing.

The stress of the upcoming deadline had caused Jungkook to fall into a vicious cycle. He stayed up late trying to come up with a good idea, then couldn’t sleep because he felt bad about failing, then he would wake up late for school and start his day stressed. Because of that stress he couldn’t focus. Homework would take twice as long, so he only ended up doing about half of it. He was so far behind. There was no way he could catch up.

At lunch, Jungkook was too exhausted to eat, so he hid in the library from Jimin and Taehyung’s concern. His friends tried to talk to him, get him to cheer up and take care of himself. But Jungkook was already long past fixing. He was spiraling, falling deeper and deeper into the pit.

It was the night before his project was due and Jungkook found himself once again unable to sleep. At four a.m. he gave up on even trying and decided to get some fresh air. He didn’t think about where he was walking, but when he finally became aware again, he was in the park on the ground by the swings. Jungkook assumed he must’ve fallen, but the memory wasn’t there.

It was bad, Jungkook knew that. The blank spots in his memory, the lack of sleep, the hunger that suddenly reminded him he hadn’t eaten since the day before. If his friends knew they would be upset. He wouldn’t tell them. He wouldn’t burden them like that.

He thought briefly of Jimin.  _ Don’t disappear on me again, okay? _ Jungkook had broken that promise. But how else was he supposed to fit everything in? How else would he have the time to keep up, to survive? He had to cut something out of his schedule. For his grades. For his art.

But what was his art? Nothing he had made was  _ right _ . The prompt was to make something that represents you. Jungkook wasn’t quite sure what he was. If he was even anything at all.

Jungkook stared up at the night sky, moon half hidden behind clouds. He raised his hand, as if to grab it. Under the moonlight his hand looked so strange to him. It was like he was looking at his hand, but from someone else’s eyes. There were things Jungkook didn’t notice before. Things he hadn’t seen in the hours he spent trying to put himself into his art.

Jungkook’s hand was messy. It was dry and calloused, covered in charcoal and paint and graphite. It was pale and scratched up and tired. It was… it was him, he realized.

Sitting up quickly, ignoring the way his vision swam, Jungkook stared at his right hand. He and his art weren’t seperate things. He was his art and his art was him. His art was on his hand for fucks sake. His exhaustion, his efforts, his failures were stained onto his skin.

Once again, Jungkook held his hand up to the moon. He stared at it for god only knows how long, memorizing how it looked, the way the colors were so vibrantly dim.

He raced home as quickly as he could and got straight to work. He didn’t bother with a paper sketch, he just went straight to the canvas. Jungkook worked and worked until the sun was rising, school had long past started, and he felt on the verge of either passing out or throwing up.

At noon he was finished. He set his brush down and just stared at the painting. It was him. Jungkook carefully cleaned up his art supplies and collapsed into bed.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke up it was six a.m. the next day and he had thirty texts and five missed calls, most of which were from Jimin and Taehyung, and some of which were from Jin.

Jungkook texted the three of them a quick “I’m okay” then got up to shower. He glanced at himself in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize himself. His face was spotted with paint, and the bags under his eyes seemed to have invented a new shade of purple. Well, it was nothing a hot shower and his mother’s concealer couldn’t fix.

Feeling much more alive after getting cleaned up and eating a large breakfast, Jungkook headed off to school, painting carefully wrapped and held close to his chest. He felt suddenly nervous. His friends had been so worried about him. From reading their texts Jungkook knew they had assumed the worst. Of course they could tell he’d been spiraling. And when he didn’t show up to school that day… 

Jungkook bit his lip and hugged the painting tighter to his chest. He had to do better. He couldn’t worry the people he loved anymore.

At school, Jungkook dropped his painting off right away, apologizing profusely to Ms. Kang for its lateness. Ms. Kang became surprisingly emotional.

“You’re a good kid, Jungkook. And an even better artist. I want you to keep going with this style, okay?” She said, her eyes a little glassy. Jungkook just nodded.

“I have to get to first period. I’m sorry again-” He started, but Ms. Kang just shushed him.

“You don’t have to be sorry. This is really great, Jungkook. I’m so proud of you. Now get on to class. I’ll see you 4th period.” Now it was Jungkook’s turn to get emotional. 

She was proud of him. Thinking about it, Jungkook was proud of himself too. Not of how he handled his situation, but of the outcome. It was his best work, though the cost of it was much higher than he thought it would be.

Jungkook entered his first period class like he was walking on eggshells. Would his friends be angry? What if they yelled at him? Or worse, what if they ignored him entirely? It made his chest ache when he realized that he had been doing just that to them. Whatever they said to him, Jungkook decided, was what he deserved.

But Jimin and Taehyung didn’t do any of that. The second they saw him walk through the door they were clinging onto him like sloths to a tree. Jungkook could only blink in confusion as his friends hugged the life out of him.

“You ass. You said you wouldn’t disappear again.” Jimin mumbled into Jungkook’s shoulder. Taehyung was sniffling so much Jungkook thought he was either crying or turning into a dog.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just got… I don’t know.” Jungkook explained weakly. His friends pulled out of the hug, but didn’t completely let go of him.

“Jeon Jungkook, when will you finally grow out of your emo phase?” Taehyung asked, eyes red and puffy. Jungkook grinned, a fond, warm feeling in his chest.

“I keep trying to, but it keeps chasing me.” He joked as the three moved to their seats in the back. Without a word, Jimin slid his notes from the day before onto Jungkook’s desk.

“Oh thank god. Where would I be without you?” Jungkook gasped, holding up the notes like they were a gift from the heavens. Jimin snorted.

“Flunking school. Copy those down before class starts and I need them again.” Jimin ordered. Jungkook gave him a quick salute before getting to work. His hand cramped the second he started writing but he didn’t complain.

“You saluted with the wrong hand. Do you even care about our country? Where’s your patriotism?” Taehyung scolded.

“Tae, be careful around him. He might be a commie spy. They’re  _ everywhere _ these days.” Jimin warned. Taehyung nodded seriously.

“I was taking a piss and I swear this guy in a stall started whistling the Russian national anthem.” Jimin cocked his head in thought.

“Was that when I was with you?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Tae.”

“Yeah?”

“That wasn’t the russian national anthem. That was Ra Ra Rasputin.” Jimin said slowly, on the verge of laughter. Jungkook started laughing so hard he had to stop copying notes. Taehyung kicked his leg hard, almost shoving him out of his chair.

“Don’t laugh, it’s easy to mix those two up.” His pout was comical. 

“Why are you only kicking me? Jimin laughed too!” Jungkook whined. Taehyung sighed and leaned back.

“I can’t kick Jimin, that would be domestic abuse.” He explained.

“And kicking me is…?”

“Bullying. Which, if you’re not a pussy, is still legal.” Jungkook scrunched up his nose.

“I think you might be a psychopath.”

“Psychopaths are hot. Right, Jimin?” Taehying asked, a devilish smile on his face. Jimin paused to consider.

“If I say yes, then I’m saying a lot of serial killers are hot. And Ted Bundy is not hot.” Jimin decided.

“Stalin was probably a psychopath. And I think we all know how hot young Stalin is.” Jungkook commented. With a sigh, Taehyung shook his head.

“Kook, I love you, but you’ve got to get better at hiding your communist spy behavior.” Jungkook kicked Taehyung, not quite as hard as he was kicked, but hard enough to make a point.

“I’m not a communist.” He protested. Jimin grinned.

“Sounds like something only a commie would say.” The bell rang just as Jungkook chucked Jimin’s notes at his head. Jimin subtly flicked him off under his desk. Jungkook just smiled back. It felt good to come home to his friends. He felt good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jin: I luv u  
> JK: I hope you choke thot  
> Jin: I still luv u
> 
> Jimin: haha but you won't leave right  
> JK, already halfway out the door: yeah for sure totally
> 
> Taehyung in communist russia: RA RA RASPUTIN LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN
> 
> So she's a long update today haha. I was gonna keep going and do all of freshman year in one post and then I realized this would be so frickin long. I felt like I wrote so much and then I realized I'm like barely into this yet what a trip I've started. Pls leave kudos if you enjoyed I would appreciate that very much. Stay safe kids.


	3. Freshman Year pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time flies when you have the softest friend group in the world.

The second quarter of Jungkook’s freshman year flew by. Life continued on as it always did. Jungkook studied hard, but managed to make time for his friends and his art. 

He and Jin moved their friendship beyond art class and into the outside world. Jungkook often visited Jin when he was working at the convenience store near the school. Jin kept complaining about his boring shifts ( _ with a face like this I should be a model not a cashier _ ), and Jungkook teased him by buying all the snacks with faulty barcodes so Jin had to look them up manually.

Jungkook’s art improved leaps and bounds. Ms. Kang continuously complimented all of his projects ( _ this should be in a museum! _ ), to which Jungkook could only thank her bashfully.

Jimin and Taehyung were still his best friends. He was eternally grateful they still hung out with him as much as they did, even when he knew he was holding them back from being as couple-y as they wanted to be ( _ You know, Kook, you could get in on this too~ Taetae don’t be nasty- But, Jiminie, you love it when I’m nasty- You guys are gross- You’ll get it when you get a man, trust me _ ).

Jungkook’s parents continued to be too busy for him and Jungkook continued to pretend like his monthly allowance was enough of a replacement for their love.

Everything was as it should be. Jungkook was happy, often overly anxious, but happy nonetheless.

The school’s dance showcase came to life a week before winter break. Jimin was stressed, insisting he wasn’t ready and practicing until his feet were covered in blisters. Taehyung and Jungkook had to remind him to take a break from studying and practicing so he could eat. Jungkook was worried to say the least. Taehyung reminded him that he was in worse shape than Jimin at the end of first quarter so he couldn’t really talk.

Jimin, at least, knew to not push everyone else away. When Taehyung told him to eat his rice, he ate it, and when Jungkook brought him water, he drank it. It made Jungkook feel a bit jealous of how easily Jimin let himself be taken care of. Though, he supposed, when you grow up with parents who don’t neglect you, being taken care of comes a bit more natural.

The night of the showcase, Jimin was sent off to the school after a delicious, but light meal with his parents, Taehyung, and Jungkook. The four of them made their way to the school about two hours later and in the car, Jungkook couldn’t help but feel secondhand anxiety. It was annoying, really, how every little thing made him so damn anxious.

At school, Jimin’s parents stopped at the table by the entrance to pick up some snacks and flowers for Jimin. Taehyung and Jungkook headed into the theatre, chatting idly. There were a surprising amount of people in the audience, considering the only people who really went to school events were the family and friends of the people involved. 

On the stage, Jungkook couldn’t help but notice the tacky backdrop. It looked a bit like poorly drawn trees, but it could have also been some kind of insect.  _ I could have done better _ , he thought, but scolded himself right after. He was sure the artist had worked very hard on it.

“Jeez, I can’t believe they picked that backdrop, it’s hideous. I mean it looks like a 5 year old did it.” Taehyung said as he took a seat. Jungkook snorted and sat next to him, tossing his jacket on two other seats for Jimin’s parents.

“Hey!” The girl in front of them whipped around, a furious look on her face. Jungkook swore he knew her from somewhere.

“Hey?” Taehyung’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“I painted that backdrop. Maybe think before you speak, asshole.” She cursed. Suddenly he remembered how he knew her.

“You’re in my art class! Areum, right?” She nodded, jaw clenched, Jungkook laughed nervously, “Don’t mind my friend, he doesn’t have a filter. The backdrop looks fine.”

“Just fine? Sorry my art isn't good enough for either of you.” Areum snapped. He started to protest, but Taehyung spoke first.

“You want to be an artist don’t you? You should get used to people not liking your work.” Areum flipped them off and turned back around. Jungkook and Taehyung shared a look.

“I won’t say who, but  _ someone _ got too many snacks, so I hope you’re hungry.” Mrs. Park announced, approaching with arms full of various candies.

“Dibs on the M&M’s!” Taehyung exclaimed. Mrs. Park laughed fondly, tossing him the box.

“Don’t hoard them all, kid, sharing is- oh god, that backdrop is hideous.” Mr. Park said suddenly. In front of them Areum huffed, grabbed her stuff, and stormed off.

“What’s wrong with her?” He asked, blinking owlishly behind silver frames. Jungkook and Taehyung burst out laughing.

The performance went off without a hitch, as expected. After the show, Taehyung and Jungkook practically tackled Jimin into a hug. He just laughed and accepted the flowers and the treats with a wide smile. Jungkook loved seeing Jimin after shows. There was always a glow around him. Something that pushed away all negativity. It was bright enough,  _ warm _ enough to push away Jungkook’s negativity.

Snap. A group shot. Jimin squished between his two best friends. Snap. Taehyung planting a big kiss on Jimin’s cheek. Snap. Jimin, red faced, laughing. Jungkook drifting out of frame. Snap. Taehyung and Jimin alone together. Faces close and glowing and  _ warm _ . Selfishly, Jungkook wished he had that too.

After flooding Jimin with praise, Mr. and Mrs. Park headed home, leaving the boys to go out for celebratory milkshakes. The trio was nearing the exit when the thudding of rushed footsteps sounded behind them. Jungkook tensed and whipped around. Only to see the unexpected approaching. Kim Seokjin and two strangers.

“Jiminie!” The stranger in the middle called out. Jimin turned around, face lighting up.

“Hobi!” He exclaimed and ran into a hug. So that was Hoseok. Charming captain of the dance team. Choreography god and overall ball of sunshine. Jungkook had heard a lot about him.

The Hoseok in front of him looked so soft and meak compared to the Hoseok he had seen onstage. The one who had moved with total confidence and power. He had been entrancing. Seeing him chat idly with Jimin and the others, he was still entrancing. But in a lighter way.

“Kookie, you should’ve told me you were coming. I would have sat with you!” Jin whined, breaking Jungkook’s train of thought.

“Tae and I were with Jimin’s parents anyway.” Jungkook hesitated, “So you got Areum to do the backdrop?” Jin snorted.

“Unfortunately. Your final project was like a masterpiece, I’m still pissed you held out on me.” Jin shook his head with a grimace. Jungkook froze. He wasn’t actually mad was he? He hadn’t actually ruined the performance by allowing Hoseok to use a mediocre artist had he?

“Kook… Jungkook? You okay?” Jin asked, brows furrowed. Jungkook shook his head.  _ Stop drifting, idiot. _ He had been drifting too much lately. Others were starting to notice.

“I’m fine.” Then, before he could talk himself out of it, “Do you wanna come get milkshakes with us? Unless you have something cooler to do. I mean you’re a senior and we’re just-”

“Sounds perfect. Hobi, Joonie, let’s hang out with them!” Jin yelled to his friends. Jimin and Taehyung shared a look. Jungkook couldn’t figure out what it meant. Were they mad? He hadn’t asked before he’d invited the others. Shit, they were probably mad.

A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality again. Jungkook looked up quickly, it was just Jin again. He wasn’t looking at Jungkook, rather he was talking to the rest of the group who, at some point, had moved over to the two of them.

“... No, really, I’m sure we can all fit in my car. Buses are for broke bitches and freshies.” That earned a laugh from everyone except Jungkook, who was lost.  _ Focus, focus, focus. They’ll realize something’s wrong _ . _ But what if they already know? What if what if what if what if what- _

Jungkook was aware again. This time he was in a car, his friends were talking loudly around him.  _ This is bad. You need help. _ He had to ground himself.  _ Focus _ . He picked a conversation.

“... when Joonie first asked me out, I thought he was straight. Turns out he’s gayer than me.” Jin joked, smiling eyes focused on the road in front of him. So Joonie was Jin’s boyfriend. Jungkook hadn’t even realized Jin was gay. Another happy gay couple. Jungkook really was hopeless wasn’t he.

“Kook?” Taehyung asked, he had been relatively quiet, Jungkook realized. While the others were talking and laughing, Taehyung, the only person next to him in the far back of Jin’s mom-van, had been mostly just observing. Which means he’d noticed Jungkook’s spacey behavior.  _ I told you they’d realize _ .

“Yeah?” Jungkook replied, trying to hide the anxious edge to his voice. Taehyung tilted his head in thought.

“Nevermind. Hold my hand?” He requested softly, holding out his tanned hand. Jungkook took it eagerly, craving his warmth. Taehyung smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. He didn’t drift for the rest of the drive.

At the small diner, the six boys managed to squeeze into a corner booth, despite the hostess’ insistence that they would fit better at a table. Throughout the night, milkshakes had been ordered, stories had been shared, and bonds had been created. Jungkook learned valuable information about the two strangers.

Joonie, actually named Kim Namjoon, was Jin’s boyfriend and he was incredibly smart. He was a year younger than Jin, but he took mostly advanced classes. The two had met in Jin’s math class, where Namjoon had tripped and spilled out the entire contents of his backpack right by Jin’s desk. Then, within five minutes of that incident, corrected the professor on a topic they hadn’t even learned yet. Jin was, safe to say, smitten.

Hoseok was a different story. He was the same age as Namjoon, but his strengths were entirely in dance. He’d been dancing all his life, switching from studio to studio, dance troupe to dance troupe. The school's dance team, he said, was much better with the addition of Jimin ( _ he moves like a snake- a sexy, sultry snake- TAEHYUNG! _ ).

There was something so right about their dynamic. Jin, Namjoon, and Hoseok, though all of them were at least two grades higher, meshed perfectly with Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin. It was like fate had brought them together. From then on, Jungkook knew. They would be six.

Later that night, the three boys were curled up in Jimin’s bed in a warm cuddle pile. Jimin was idly running his fingers through Taehyung’s hair. Jungkook felt that pang of jealousy he felt earlier. He wasn’t attracted to Jimin. He’d never been. It was more like… like Jungkook wanted someone to love him in that way too. Something beyond brotherhood.

“Kookie.” Jimin said, voice sleepy. Jungkook hummed in acknowledgement.

“Tae and I are proud of you for asking Jin to come with us.” Jungkook blushed.

“It’s not a big deal.” He mumbled, burying his face shyly into the pillow.

“Kook.” This time it was Taehyung. Jungkook hummed again, “We love you.” Jungkook’s heart ached with so much fondness it hurt.

“I love you too.”

  
  


The day before winter break Ms. Kang gave Jungkook a gift. It was a small sketch of him and Jin in the corner of the art room. Jungkook, head bent over his work but a slight grin on his face, a light in his eyes. Then Jin, face bright and laughing, hands raised as if he were gesturing wildly, like he always did. It was better than any photograph.

Jungkook could only hug Ms. Kang and apologize for not getting her anything. She told him that his hard work was enough of a gift. Jungkook had to use some of that hard work to stop his tears from falling at her kindness.  _ Don’t be so overly emotional, dumbass. _

Winter break was great. Jungkook’s parents had work, so he was left alone. Meaning he spent the whole break with Jimin’s family. There was a part of him that felt hurt at his parents ease in completely abandoning him for Christmas. But it was a practiced hurt. Easy to feel and easy to hide. And even more than that, easy to wrap up and tuck away with the delight that Jimin’s family made him feel.

Jungkook got a house key from the Parks and he didn’t try to hide his tears that time. Jimin and Taehyung gave him a build-a-bear that, when squeezed, played a recording of them saying “I love you, Jungkookie.” Jin gave him an autographed and framed selfie ( _ this picture will be worth thousands one day _ ). Namjoon and Hoseok sent him texts, but didn’t get him anything. Their friendship was still too new.

Jungkook had money. But it wasn’t really  _ his _ . It was his parents and it felt wrong to simply shower his friends in the most expensive gifts. It would feel like he was  _ buying _ their love. It would make him feel like his parents.

So Jungkook painted each of his friends a picture. For Jimin and Taehyung he painted couple pictures. Them staring into each other's eyes, soft smiles on both of their faces. A sweet moment captured in acrylic paint. For Jin he painted Jin. Or rather, Jin as Jungkook saw him. Tall and bright. A protective older brother full of bad puns and a caring heart. It was funny, really. Both Junkook and Jin had given each other Jin.

  
  


Jungkook returned to school after break filled with so much  _ love _ . Love for his friends, the Parks, Ms. Kang. The rest of the school year passed by like that. Jungkook spent time with his friends, focusing on really getting to know Namjoon and Hoseok. The six of them worked together so naturally, it wasn’t too hard to do so.

Of course, there were still bad days. Days where he drifted or he wasn’t able to sleep the night before. But there were so many people who loved him. And they could always bring him back.

The last few weeks of school hurt. Everyday, Jungkook went into the art room and saw Jin- Jin who was graduating this year, Jin who pretended to be his big brother and now really felt like one- sitting on his stool. And everyday, Jungkook sat down next to him and tried not to start crying. After this year, Jin would be gone. There would be no more dumb favors ( _ Kook, go get me more paint- get it yourself- I’m your older brother- and I’m baby- aw, yeah you are- wait, no- my baby~ Jin stop- baby boy~ JIN! _ ), no more banter, or bad puns, or  _ Jin _ .

But there was still summer, Jungkook kept reminding himself. And after that, Jin wouldn’t even be that far away. He’d be living in a dorm a half an hour away, becoming an even better actor, an even cooler big brother. But despite the short distance, would Jin even  _ want _ to see him? College was full of interesting people from all over. How did Jungkook compare?

_ Don’t think about that. He’s not gone yet _ . Right. He wasn’t gone yet. Jungkook would hold onto Jin and all of the good things for as long as he could. And if he cried when he saw the pictures of Jin in his cap and gown, that was no one’s business but his own. Jungkook’s life was full of good things. But then summer came. And something new, neither good nor bad showed up. Enter Choi Daehyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jimin: k but what if I suck  
> Taehyung: k but what if I suck u
> 
> JK: I'm just kind of -sad-  
> Everyone: I'll literally kill for you
> 
> Sorry this took so long to write, but I made it nice and long to make it up to you :)  
> I lost focus on this story (and life) for a bit. I was sort of unsatisfied with what I was writing and it took me awhile to figure out how to get to where I'm planning on going. The real heavy angst doesn't kick in for another year (in the story), so please be patient if that's what you're here for. This might be my favorite chapter I've written so far, so I hope you enjoy. I'll try to get the next one out soon. Less depresso more expresso, ya feel?


	4. Summer pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook gets his first taste of romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for toxic relationships

Choi Daehyun was objectively attractive. He was tall, with a toned body and a smile that would make any dentist bow down in worship. Jungkook first encountered Daehyun at Cherry on Top, a small, but incredibly popular ice cream shop. Fighting with indecision, Jungkook had been staring at the menu when Daehyun caught his attention and kept it for what Jungkook thought would be the rest of his life.

“Can’t decide?” He had asked and one look at who had spoken was all it took. Jungkook was fucked. It was Daehyun’s smile, soft but just a bit mischievous. It was his hair, long black and slightly wavy. It was his skin tanned from the sun, his toned arms peeking out from under the Cherry on Top uniform.

“Y-yeah.” Jungkook managed to say. Daehyun laughed, short and easy. Jungkook wanted to throw up.

“Well, what’s your type?” Daehyun asked, tone borderline flirtatious. Wait, was he flirting? Was Jungkook supposed to flirt back?  _ Dude chill. Just be normal _ .

“My type?” He coughed, all too flustered.

“Of ice cream. What did you think I meant?” That knowing smirk killed Jungkook.  _ So he’s playing it like that, huh? _

“Nevermind. I like something not too sweet. And fresh tasting. Like, um, summery.” Jungkook requested, heart racing. Daehyun cocked his head in thought.

“You seem like a dark chocolate and strawberry kind of guy. Am I right?” Jungkook nodded without really hearing what Daehyun said.

“So, one strawberry dark chocolate chip cone for…?”

“Jungkook.” Daehyun smirked.

“Jungkook. I’m sure you’ll like it. The strawberry here is delicious. And the chocolate just melts in your mouth.” He said, assembling the cone with practiced ease.

“Do you usually get strawberry dark chocolate too?” Jungkook asked, with sudden curiosity. Daehyun glanced up at him, eyes half lidded, smirk still burning a hole through Jungkook’s chest.

“I prefer my ice cream a bit sweeter.” Then, before Jungkook could say anything, “That’ll be 4000 won.” Jungkook slipped him the cash and accepted the ice cream, face horribly flushed.

“Come back again soon, yeah?” And that was the nail in the coffin. Jungkook was so incredibly fucked.

“I want ice cream.” Hoseok whined as he exhaustedly fanned himself with a flyer for a zumba class that happened three weeks ago. He looked hot. Like literally hot. There were beads of sweat on his face and his shirt looked like he’d just jumped in a pool.

“It’s too hot to go outside.” Jimin groaned. To Jungkook’s amazement, Jimin was managing to cuddle with Taehyung despite the intense heat wave.

“So what am I supposed to do?” Hoseok’s voice neared a wail. Jin laughed bitterly.

“Die.” He answered bluntly. Hoseok threw the flyer at him, then his face crumpled in immediate regret as he could no longer fan himself.

“Fuck, give that back.” He cried. Jungkook smiled as his friends wrestled for the paper. At some point Namjoon joined in. Perhaps it was after Hoseok tackled Jin to the floor. Or perhaps it was after Jin started to fight back a little too hard. The heat was slowly cooking Jungkook’s brain, so his perception of the world around him was a bit fuzzy.

“Jungkook will get us ice cream.” Taehyung said suddenly. Furrowing his brows, Jungkook tried to remember when he said he would do that.

“Yes, Jungkook will do it.” Jimin agreed, just as randomly energized. Jungkook scanned his mind for possible reasons his closest friends would be insisting on him getting ice cream. He came up blank. Well, at first he did. But then-

“He  _ loves _ ice cream.” Oh no-

“Especially from Cherry on Top.” They wouldn’t-

“And he could get us a good deal too.” Please, god-

“After all…” Nonononononono-

“He does flirt with the cashier.” Fuck.

Just like that, the room exploded. Jungkook was sure it did. He was certain someone must have pulled the pin and tossed in a grenade. What else could make the pillows Jin and Hobi had been hitting each other with fly up like that? What else could cause that deafening sound of screaming? What else could make Jungkook’s ears ring and his heart race with panic?

“I won’t allow this! Jungkook is just a baby, he can’t have a boyfriend yet!” Jin yelled, though the sound was muted in his head. He felt warmer. How could he possibly get any warmer? Shit, was he sweating more? Everyone else seemed normal. Was the only one who had seen it?

“...kook can fuck who he wants.”  _ What?! _ This was not happening. It wasn’t a bomb, Jungkook realized. Just complete and total embarrassment. He had to leave.

“I’m getting ice cream.” He announced, standing up. Taehyung and Jimin snickered.

“Oh bless you, Kook. Can you get me-” Hoseok exclaimed. Jungkook raced to the door, grabbing his house key, wallet, and phone on the way.

“You’ll get what you get.” He yelled, slamming the door shut behind him and blocking out the sounds of protest. 

They were just teasing him, he knew that. But there was a sick feeling in his gut at all the attention. Jungkook sighed, wiping sweat off his forehead with his already sweaty shirt. He was making a big deal of things. Like usual.

Was it a big deal? For them, no. Relationships and flirtations weren’t new things for them, though. They all had someone. Even Hoseok, who had been single and closeted for all of high school had found a boyfriend in the last few weeks of school. Why was it so hard for Jungkook to handle the possibility of him getting one too?

Before he knew it, Jungkook had made it to the doors of Cherry on Top. He pushed them open with a deep breath, letting the cold air wash over him. It felt good. It calmed him down a bit. But that only lasted a few seconds when he saw Daehyun at the cash register. Fuck.

Daehyun glanced over at him, that stupidly attractive smirk already growing on his face. He waved his hand to call him over. The parlor was busy, but Daehyun wasn’t serving anyone.

“Little hot out today, yeah?” He asked, and Jungkook could only nod awkwardly, fingers twisting in the hem of his shirt.

“What can I do for you, Jungkook?” Daehyun asked, once again his tone implying more than just ice cream. Jungkook cursed him and his overly flirtatious tone that probably meant nothing.

“I’m buying for a group today. Six people. They’ll eat anything as long as it’s cold.” He explained.

“Having a heat wave party? I’m sure they must have cooled down a bit since you left.” Daehyun said casually before going over to the freezer to search for a flavor. Jungkook paused in his fidgeting. Did Daehyun just call him hot? He had to be wrong.

“Yeah, I mean less body heat definitely helps.” He laughed awkwardly. Daehyun stopped his search and looked over at Jungkook with raised eyebrows.

“That’s not really what I meant.” Jungkook’s breath faltered and his lips parted to ask what the fuck was happening when Daehyun was suddenly right by the counter again, this time with one tub of cookies and cream and one tub of mint chocolate chip.

“Will this work?” Jungkook just nodded, still feeling a little breathless. Daehyun moved to the cash register, briefly muttering something to a coworker on the way.

“Now, I’m prepared to give you half off on this today, but I do need something in exchange.” Daehyun said, a secretive smile on his face. Jungkook blinked owlishly.

“What do you need?” His eyes darkened for a moment. They were boring a hole right through Jungkook. Like deadly lasers.

“Hm… how about your number?” Jungkook almost screamed. Instead, he bit his lip and nodded slowly.  _ Play it cool, dumbass _ .

“I think that could be arranged. Only for the deal of course.” Wow he sounded way cooler than he thought he would.

“Of course. I like a boy who knows a good deal when he sees one.” Daehyun quipped back, getting to work on the register. Jungkook’s brain came to a halt.  _ I like a boy… I like a boy… I like a boy… I like Jungkook. _

“That’ll be 12000 won and a cute boy’s number.”  _ He thinks I’m cute _ . Holy shit.  _ Since when did god start to love me again? _ Jungkook handed him the cash and on a Cherry on Top napkin, scribbled down his phone number.

“I’ll text you when I get off. Maybe we can hang. That is, if your heat wave party is over by then.” Daehyun said, coyly sliding the now bagged tubs of ice cream toward him. Jungkook reached out to grab them, his heart rate spiking when Daehyun made sure their hands touched.

“I could manage to get away.” He replied, face hot despite the cold air conditioned air. Daehyun grinned.

“Then see you later, Jungkook.” He purred. Jungkook gave a weak goodbye back and power walked the fuck out. The sudden heat crashed into him like a tidal wave. He had a date. Jungkook had a date. What. The. Fuck.

The second Jungkook returned, his friends assaulted him with questions about this mysterious cashier. Jimin and Taehyung just watched guiltlessly. It almost made him shudder with how matchingly psychotic they were.

Jin had been the most inquisitive, though his questions came from the kind of brotherly protectiveness that made Jungkook act annoyed, but secretly feel pleased at the attention.

“Jungkook, you can’t go on a date with this Daehyun creep. Do you even know his last name?” Jin exclaimed, pacing and gesturing wildly. Jungkook rolled his eyes and took a spoonful of cookies and cream.

“Yes.” He answered shortly. Like some kind of cartoon character, Jin whipped to face him.

“What is it? Who is he? I’ll kill him.” Jungkook blinked lazily at Jin’s attempt at a threatening glare.

“Jin, you couldn’t even kill the spider that lived in your laundry room for two weeks.” Hobi commented.

“That is a completely different situation! That spider was huge and terrifying and-” Jin started.

“And no one huge and terrifying could be into me?” Jungkook finished, raising an eyebrow. 

“That’s not what I was going to say!” Jin sighed, “Kook, I just want you to be careful. I know you three are the same age, but you’re just like…”

“He’s baby.” Jimin said so seriously that it made Taehyung burst out laughing.

“Exactly!”

“Ease up on the kid, Jin. We all had to have our first date at some point. If Kook wants to fall madly in love with this guy, who are we to stop him?” Namjoon added.

“It’s just a first date, I’m not madly in love.” Jungkook protested, face flushing.

“Right, right. First date, then mad love.” He corrected himself.

“ _ Namjoon _ .”

“What?” 

Jungkook huffed, crossing his arms. Taehyung poked his face with a giggle, mumbling something about a ‘cute pout.’

“I don’t get why you’re all expecting me to fall in love right away.” His friends shared a look.

“You’re pretty romantic, so we all just assumed you’d be the type to catch feelings easily.” Hobi explained. Scrunching his brow, Jungkook straightened up.

“I’m not romantic.” Jimin laughed.

“Kook, you told us yesterday that you’ll hear your soulmate when you hear a bell ring like in Your Name. Is that not romantic?” Jungkook was about to protest when his phone dinged. He had a text. And given that the only people who texted him were in that room, it could only be Daehyun.

Faster than the speed of light, Jungkook snatched his phone and bolted into the bathroom. Though muffled, he could hear Jin screeching in the living room. Jungkook locked the door behind him and turned on his phone.  _ 1 new notification. _ Heart pounding, he opened messages.

_ Unknown number: I just got off. Heat wave party almost over? _

Jungkook glanced at his sweaty self in the mirror and became surprised by the smile on his face. He shook it off, focusing on being cool instead.

_ Jungkook: Hey Daehyun- _

No, that was so lame.

_ Jungkook: Yeah, but it’s about to get hotter- _

What the actual fuck was he saying?

_ Jungkook: I could sneak out. Where are we going? _

That was good enough. His shaking thumb hit send as he sat on the seat of the toilet, biting his lip. The reply came back faster than he expected.

_ Daehyun: I know a good lake we could swim at. Only if you’re not afraid to get a little wet. _

Jungkook had to bite his tongue to resist the urge to scream. Daehyun was hitting him hard.  _ Hard huh? _ No, no, stop thinking like that!

_ Jungkook: Text me the address and you’ll see ;) _

Was the winky face too much? No, it was fine. Everything was-

_ Daehyun: (location sent) _

_ Daehyun: Don’t forget a swimsuit. Or do. A little skinny dipping never hurt anyone. _

Fine. Everything was not fine. Jungkook sent back a blushing emoji and raced out of the bathroom.

“I gotta go!” He yelled, careening past Jin’s outstretched arms and ignoring Taehyung’s “use protection.”

He made it home in record time, then, continuing with his speed mission, took a quick shower, pulled on his swim trunks, and power biked to the address.

By the time Jungkook arrived, the sun had begun to set, cooling the air, just slightly. The lake was beautiful. It looked like something out of a fantasy painting. It was small, for a lake at least, and surrounded by weeping willows.

“Jungkook!” A voice called out. Jungkook looked to the direction of it and grinned. There at the edge of the lake was Daehyun, shirtless with his feet dipping into the dark water.

“Cool lake.”  _ ‘Cool lake.’ You sound like a fucking idiot oh my god. _ Daehyun laughed.

“Right? I was kind of surprised more people weren’t here. I’m glad they aren’t though. I wanted us to be alone.” Jungkook flushed as he sat down next to Daehyun, dipping his own feet into the water. It was cold, making him shiver slightly at the touch.

“Why?” Jungkook asked. Daehyun raised an eyebrow.

“Why what?”

“Why’d you want us to be alone?” Laughing, Daehyun smiled.

“Did you want us to have our first date surrounded by sweaty strangers? I didn’t take you for that kind of guy.” He joked. Jungkook felt himself blush again.  _ Stop blushing. _

“I’m not! I just- ugh. I’m just nervous around you. Honestly, I don’t even get why you asked me out.” Jungkook kicked the water lightly, chills hitting where the water droplets landed.

“Cause I like you.” Daehyun said simply, “I figured you liked me too. Either that or you really like Cherry on Top. No one comes in there as much as you do.”

“Didn’t realize I was being so obvious,” Jungkook replied then paused, “I’ve never had someone like me before.”

“I doubt that. When you told me you were only a sophomore I almost didn’t believe you. There aren’t many attractive people your age.” Daehyun commented dryly, making Jungkook laugh.

“Trust me I know.” Jungkook joked back, “You’re also super attractive. By the way.”  _ Literally what are you even saying right now? _

“Thank you for informing me,” Daehyun said, voice low, “It’s good to know we’re both hot.”

Then Daehyun was staring at Jungkook with an overwhelming heat. He was leaning in and Jungkook- Jungkook was not ready.

“We should probably cool down then!” Jungkook exclaimed suddenly, practically throwing himself into the lake. Daehyun laughed, but there was a hint of annoyance behind it.  _ You’re fucking up. Should’ve just let him kiss you _ .

Daehyun hopped in the water after him. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“Good move, Jungkook. It was getting a bit hot, wasn’t it?” Jungkook nodded. It was awkward. He had made things awkward.

Should he have let Daehyun kiss him? They were on a date after all. Rejecting a kiss was something you did when you wanted to friendzone someone. Did he just accidentally friend zone Daehyun?  _ Let him kiss you the next time he tries. _ But what if he didn’t try again? Shit, this was a mess.

Jungkook looked over at Daehyun, who was floating on his back, eyes closed.  _ Kiss him. Prove you like him _ . He still wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss Daehyun though.  _ You should want to. Do you like him or not? _ Jungkook liked him. So he should want to kiss Daehyun.

“Daehyun.” Jungkook called out before he could chicken out again. Daehyun stood himself up, shaking his wet hair like a dog.

“What’s up?” He asked, being cool. Daehyun was always cool.

“Were you about to kiss me earlier?” Jungkook’s body ached with how hard he was internally cringing at himself.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Daehyun looked uncomfortable now.  _ Do something. Be cool. _

“Want to try again?” Jungkook asked, attempting to sound seductive. Daehyun’s face shifted from surprise to intrigue to something much more commanding.

“If that’s what you want.” Daehyun replied. The water around him rippled as he moved closer, the tiny currents matching the pounding of Jungkook’s heart. Then Daehyun was in front of him. Then Daehyun’s hands were tilting his chin up. Then Daehyun’s breath was warm against his face. Then-

“Wow.” Jungkook said after Daehyun pulled away.

“Is that good?” Daehyun laughed, hand still resting on Jungkook’s cheek.

“Very. I think I might be a bad kisser though.” Jungkook frowned.

“Hey,” Daehyun cooed, “Everyone’s a bad kisser at first. All you need is practice.” Grinning, Jungkook looked up at him.

“Then how about you help me?”

Things with Daehyun were good. They weren’t what Jungkook expected out of a first boyfriend, but they were good. Daehyun was the same age as Namjoon and Hobi, so he had much more experience than Jungkook. He had gone a lot further than Jungkook. And so he knew a lot more than Jungkook. So Jungkook let him take the lead when it came to their relationship.

This meant that their relationship was a lot more physical than Jungkook had planned. They made out every time they were together. Daehyun even went so far as to sneak the two of them into an empty freezer to make out during his shift. And it wasn’t that Jungkook didn’t like it. Because he did. It was fun and it felt good. But sometimes Jungkook just wanted to chill and hang out with his boyfriend. Daehyun knew more, however, so Daehyun got to decide.

“Don’t burn the popcorn this time. It finally smells normal in here again.” Jimin yelled from the living room. Jungkook was at Jimin’s house for their weekly game night with the gang, he’d even arrived early to help set up and make snacks. It was nice to spend time with everyone, despite their busy schedules. He was about to start making the popcorn when his phone buzzed.

_ Daehyun: Just got off. Let’s get food. _

Jungkook frowned, abandoning the popcorn to text back Daehyun.

_ Jungkook: I’m busy tonight. _

_ Daehyun: With what? _

_ Jungkook: Game night. I told you about it yesterday. _

_ Daehyun: You’d rather hang out with them than me? _

_ Jungkook: That’s not it. I’ll see you tomorrow anyway. _

_ Daehyun: I really wanted to see you tonight though… _

_ Jungkook: I’d feel bad about bailing on them again… _

_ Daehyun: So you’re just going to ignore me instead? _

_ Jungkook: How am I ignoring you? I’m literally just hanging out with my friends. _

_ Daehyun: Fine, whatever. Do what you want. Fuck me I guess. _

Setting his phone down a little too hard, Jungkook shoved the popcorn bag in the microwave and set the timer. He watched the bag rotate and tried to focus on the soft buzzing sound the microwave was making.  _ Just ignore him. He’s being a dick _ . Was he though? Or was Jungkook being a bad boyfriend? Daehyun knew more.  _ So what? He’s still being an ass. _

“Hey! Take it out already! I told you not to burn it this time.” Jimin exclaimed, startling Jungkook. He was so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even heard the popping.

Jungkook slid out of the way, letting Jimin take out the popcorn, watching him sigh in relief when he saw it wasn’t burnt.

“Honestly, I should’ve put you on game setup instead.” Jimin shook his head. Jungkook just nodded, eyes moving back to his phone.  _ Don’t text him back, don’t text him back, don’t text him back- _

“What’s wrong, Kook?” Jungkook looked up, eyes wide.

“Nothing. Why would something be wrong?” He deflected quickly. Jimin just gave him a classic ‘how stupid do you think I am?’ look.

“You’re staring at your phone like a kdrama lead who got her heart broken and is waiting for the love of her life to call.” Pouting, Jungkook focused on the tiled kitchen floor.

“Daehyun wants to go out tonight.” He explained, giving in.

“And you told him no, right? You’ve already ditched us twice for that ass-” Jimin started.

“He’s not an ass.” Jungkook defended.

“That’s debatable and you’d better not go with him tonight.” They stared at each other for a moment before Jungkook broke away to look back at his phone.

“I’m not going to. I just… I don’t know. I feel like a bad boyfriend.” He admitted, picking at his thumb. Jimin grabbed his hand.

“You’re a great boyfriend. And if you ask me, Daehyun is kind of the worst.” Jungkook pulled his hand away sharply.

“The hell? You don’t even know him.” Jimin’s face scrunched up in worry.

“Maybe not, but I know you. And he clearly makes you unhappy. If he makes you feel like a shitty boyfriend, then he’s the problem, not you.” 

_ He’s the problem not you. _ Jungkook wanted to believe it. But… but he was Jungkook. And he was broken and anxious and he was always the problem.  _ Jungkook, behave in front of our guests. Jungkook, stop throwing a tantrum while we’re trying to work. Jungkook, stop causing so much trouble.  _ It was too much.  _ Jungkook, why can’t you just be normal? Jungkook, why can’t you just be good? _ He didn’t know.  _ Jungkook, this isn’t good enough. Jungkook, you need to do better. _ He was trying.  _ Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook. _ But he wasn’t good enough.

“You don’t know anything.” Jungkook snapped, grabbing his phone and storming out of the kitchen. Jimin was hot on his heels.

“Kook, don’t leave. I didn’t… I’m sorry for saying that. Just don’t leave.” Jimin’s voice was soft, verging on desperate. It was enough to stall Jungkook’s legs, despite the itch in them to run away.

“I’m just worried about you, I guess. And maybe I’m wrong and you and Daehyun are great together, but… but I just wish you would still make time for us too. Because we love you. Really, all of us love you.” Jungkook didn’t turn around. Because if he did he would have to see Jimin’s face. And if he saw that, he would start crying.

“So just stay tonight. Please.” Jimin begged quietly. The pit in Jungkook’s gut was twisting so tight he thought he might throw up. His phone vibrated in his hand. 

_ Just go. You know you want to.  _ But Daehyun had been rude.  _ Jimin’s being clingy. _ Was Jimin being clingy? Or was it Daehyun? Faces were swirling around Jungkook’s head like a tornado. It was too much.

“I need some air.” Jungkook mumbled, ignoring Jimin’s calls for him to come back as he moved as quickly as possible out of the house. 

He kept walking, unfocused and unaware, until he was at the park. Laughing bitterly to himself, Jungkook took a seat on one of the swings. He always found himself here eventually.

Jungkook’s phone buzzed again. There were almost too many notifications.

_ Jimin: Jungkook, I’m sorry please just come back. _

_ Daehyun: You’re actually fucking ignoring me. Real mature. _

_ Taehyung: Kook, stop ditching game night I miss you. :( _

_ Seokjin: Hey dumbass, get your dumb ass over here so I can hug you. _

_ Jimin: Don’t go with Daehyun tonight please. At the very least don’t do that. _

_ Daehyun: I’m sorry, okay? Call me so we can talk. _

_ Hoseok: Jimin’s really bummed out. Whatever you’re fighting about, make up soon. This is mad awkward. _

_ Namjoon: Get your dumb little booty back in this house before I make you download life360 and stalk you. _

_ Namjoon: Seokjin took my phone and sent that. Not that I don’t care about you. But those are his words. _

_ Daehyun: Jungkook, please. Don’t ghost me like this. _

_ Jimin: I love you. Come back when you feel like it. No one’s mad. _

Jungkook let himself fall back on the dirt. The sky was dim and cloudy, it was about to rain. He wished it was raining now. Maybe being cold and wet would distract him from the guilt dissolving his insides. But then again, rain could only do so much.

Jimin’s dad used to tell this one joke to Jungkook when he was young: when you’ve come to a fork in the road, pick it up. Well, Jungkook had come to the fork in the road and instead of picking it up, he had run it over with a car, stabbed it with a different fork, and lit the mangled mess on fire.

Avoidance was Jungkook’s usual tactic when it came to serious situations. But he couldn’t seem to avoid this one. Well, he could, but he would lose literally everyone who mattered to him. He had to make a decision, which sucked because Jungkook was the most indecisive person he knew. His phone buzzed again.

_ Daehyun: I’m at the lake if you feel like talking. Sorry. _

Jungkook stared at his phone for a long time. When he tore his gaze away, it was starting to rain.

“Fuck it.” He muttered, pushing himself off the dirt, “Fuck you.” He shouted to the sky. “Fuck everything.” He said to himself, unsure if the wetness on his face were tears or raindrops.

When Jungkook arrived at the lake, it was late. Daehyun was sitting on a bench under a small shelter, looking out at the water. Jungkook hesitated. Suddenly, Daehyun turned in his direction, his mouth parting slightly when he noticed Jungkook.

“Hey.” Jungkook said as he approached, feeling a little breathless already.

“Hey.” Daehyun murmured, uncharacteristically shy. Neither of them spoke. They just sat on the bench, close enough to touch, listening to the raindrops against the water.

“I’m sorry.” Daehyun said, voice thick with emotion. Jungkook glanced at him in surprise. This was nothing like the Daehyun he’d been dating for the past month.

“I’m such a dick. You’re always so good to me and I just…” Jungkook could do nothing but stare.

“I feel like all I do is fuck good things up.” There was an aching familiarity in his words. Jungkook moved his gaze out to the lake. The water was unsteady, constantly rippling and shifting from the rain.

“I know what you mean.” Jungkook replied softly. Daehyun took his hand.

“I’m going to be better. I promise.” For some reason he felt like crying. 

“Okay.” He whispered, letting Daehyun turn his head to kiss him. It tasted bitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna wait until I finished all of Summer to post this, but it's been awhile since I updated and I felt bad. I actually took the time to edit this one lmao


	5. Summer pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for assault and abusive relationships

Jungkook made up with Jimin the next day. He didn’t mention the lake. Things soon went back to normal. Well, normal but better.

Daehyun fulfilled his promise of being a better boyfriend. With the flick of a switch, he had become everything Jungkook wanted and more. He was doting and cheerful and kind. Still… there were times when Jungkook said something wrong and he saw Daehyun’s expression falter and correct itself so fast he got whiplash. But Jungkook told himself it was fine. They were good again.

Jungkook made more time for his friends, to their delight. But Daehyun… he didn’t seem to like that. And it wasn’t to say that Jungkook hadn’t tried to get Daehyun to hang out with him and his friends altogether. Rather, he had begged and whined about it for days. Daehyun insisted he wouldn’t fit in. Jungkook didn’t know why that bothered him.

There were a lot of things that bothered him about Daehyun. And no matter how nice he was acting, those things still simmered beneath the surface. Small ripples of  _ wrong _ , just like the lake in the rain. Jungkook was still waiting for the rain to clear. Because once the clouds parted, surely there would sit a rainbow in the sky.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Namjoon asked. Jungkook swirled the ice cubes in his lemonade thoughtfully. He had invited Namjoon out alone because he needed to talk to  _ someone _ about his feelings, but the others would worry and assume. Worries and assumptions only ever caused problems.

“Are there ever things about Jin that bother you?” Namjoon snorted.

“Did you call me here to talk shit about my boyfriend?” Laughing softly, Jungkook just shook his head.

“I mean, you’ve been dating awhile now, right? Aren’t there things he does that bug you?” His nerves tightened under Namjoon’s analytical stare.

“Why are you so curious?”

“If you don’t answer I’ll make something up and tell Jin about it.” Jungkook threatened, grinning evilly. Namjoon sighed, a slight smile on his face.

“Alright, alright, no need to threaten my life. I do love Jin and I love how eccentric he is, but sometimes… sometimes he can’t sense when it’s time to be serious. I guess that’s the only thing that annoys me.” He explained. Jungkook bit at his lip, staring at the ice swirling, swirling, swirling.

“There used to be a lot of things. He would be overly touchy and loud and he always stole my food. But I talked to him about it, and we worked it out. Relationships are difficult, and the only way they ever work out is if you’re honest with each other.” He continued. 

Suddenly, Jungkook felt like such a child, it hurt. He wasn’t being honest with his friends, he wasn’t being honest with Daehyun, and most importantly, he wasn’t being honest with himself. He was playing pretend like everything was fine. Like it didn’t bug him that Daehyun never wanted to hang out with his friends. Like it didn’t bug him that Daehyun was doing the bare minimum of boyfriend things and somehow Jungkook was falling for every stupid line.

He was a moth, a stupid, needy moth. And Daehyun was the flame that would burn him up. What bothered him the most, wasn’t anything Daehyun did. It was that Jungkook was fine with everything Daehyun did.

“Jungkook?” Namjoon said, break Jungkook from his thoughts.

“Yeah?” Namjoon hesitated a moment.

“Why did you invite me out and not one of the others? Not that we’re not friends, we’re just… not as close. I mean, if you’re having problems with Daehyun-” Jungkook stood up abruptly.

“I’m not having problems.” He snapped. Slowly, like he was approaching a deer, Namjoon set his drink down and stood up.

“I didn’t mean to assume. Your questions just made it seem…”

“I called you because you’re not the type to assume.” Jungkook felt inexplicably wronged. Namjoon was supposed to be safe.

“Jungkook-”

“I have to go. Daehyun and I are going to dinner.” Without a glance back, Jungkook rushed toward the bike racks and away from Namjoon.

Daehyun was on his phone again. He’d been texting all night, his responses to Jungkook had resembled noncommittal hums rather than good boyfriend answers. It made his skin itch.  _ So say something. Namjoon told you to be honest.  _ But if Jungkook was honest, would Daehyun still want him?

“Daehyun,” Jungkook whined, “You’re not paying attention.” Daehyun raised an eyebrow, lifting his eyes to Jungkook’s pout. Jungkook had found that Daehyun liked this behavior.

“You’re cute.” He cooed, tapping Jungkook’s nose before his phone stole his attention back with the slightest buzz. Rolling his eyes Jungkook leaned back in his chair.  _ Just tell him. You’re getting nowhere like this _ .

“Daehyun.” Jungkook said firmly. There it was. That flicker, the facade falling back for just a moment. The pinch of eyebrows, the twitch of an eye. Lips curved down just slightly, then right back in place.

“What’s wrong?” There were a million answers to that.  _ You’ve been ignoring me. You seem annoyed with me. You act like I’m wasting your time, but you don’t want me spending my time with anyone else. _ But what came out was:

“Are you ashamed of me?” The flicker was different this time. No anger, just confusion.

“What are you talking about?” Daehyun laughed like Jungkook had said something dumb. His skin itched.

“You don’t want to meet my friends. You only ever want to hang out where there aren’t many people around. So are you ashamed of me?” Jungkook felt crippled under Daehyun’s stare, but he held his head as high as he could.

“It’s not shame. It’s more like… like I don’t want anyone else to have you. Even to look at you.” Daehyun looked down, smiling sadly, “I’m terribly possessive, I know. It’s my biggest flaw and with you it just gets bigger. I’m sorry.”

Now Jungkook was confused.  _ It’s not that he doesn’t want you. It’s that he wants you too much. _ No one had ever wanted Jungkook that much before. It made his heart race.

“I’m not going to leave you because of my friends or some stranger. We’ve been dating for nearly two months and you still can’t see how much I care about you?” His face heated up at the confession that had slipped out of him so easily.

“I care about you too.” Daehyun replied softly. Then, with astounded vigor, he grabbed Jungkook’s hand like it was his last chance at survival.

“Come with me to a party tomorrow night. You can meet all my friends. We’ll have fun.” Daehyun exclaimed. The idea sounded awful. Jungkook hated parties. Hated crowds and strangers and crappy, eardrum bursting music.

“Sounds perfect.” He smiled. Daehyun laughed brightly and kissed his hand. Just like that, the idea seemed perfect.

Daehyun’s friends were much older than Jungkook. It shouldn’t have surprised him as Daehyun was a senior and his college friends were home for the summer. With that in mind, Jungkook shouldn’t have been surprised by the excessive amount of alcohol at the party. He knew Daehyun was too cool for him.

“Jungkook, let me get you a drink. You jerks be nice to him.” Daehyun ordered, pointing jokingly at the group of much older, much larger boys Jungkook had already forgotten the names of. Jungkook looked helplessly to the spot Daehyun had just left when suddenly there was a heavy arm on his shoulder. Blinking owlishly, Jungkook looked up at the boy.

“Daehyun always picks the cute, innocent ones.” He laughed. Jungkook flushed, looking down with an awkward smile.

“Who better to break ‘em in, though, right?” Wait, what did that mean?

“Jungkook, is this your first party?”  _ Lie. Be cool. _

“No.” Jungkook felt like he was being obvious.

“Dumb question, of course it’s not his first party.”  _ Did it actually work? _ “It’s his first  _ real _ party. You know how freshies are. They don’t know shit.”  _ Nope. _

“I told you to be nice, and here you are trying to snatch my man.” Daehyun’s voice called out from behind him. Jungkook whipped his head around, relief flooding him immediately. But the sick feeling came right back when he saw the solo cups in Daehyun’s hands.

“Your man? Dude, he’s practically a kid. He’s never even had a drink.” Humiliation tightened his chest. He was sweating. Was it getting hotter? They should turn on the AC.

“Let it go, we all had our firsts.” Daehyun defended him, lazily handing Jungkook a drink. The others were looking at him like he was a monkey in a cage. Like he didn’t belong.  _ Then make them believe you do. _

Daehyun was talking to his friend’s about something Jungkook didn’t know about. Discreetly, Jungkook lifted the cup to his mouth, taking a small sip to test the strength of what he’d been given. It burned going down. Definitely vodka. Jungkook held his expression neutral, trying to hide his disgust at the taste.

It seemed to work. Either everyone had stopped clowning him, or he was blending in. Jungkook smiled slightly, pleased with himself. Daehyun’s world wasn’t his, but he could find a way to belong anyway.

In the following weeks, Jungkook went to more parties with Daehyun. He didn’t tell his friends about them. He knew the reaction he’d get.

The parties were all the same. They showed up together, then after a couple drinks, Daehyun wandered off with friends and Jungkook sat around in some remote corner of the house until Daehyun was ready to leave. Jungkook didn’t drink much. His nerves always got in the way. What if he did something stupid? Or said something he shouldn’t?  _ Like what? Like “Daehyun I don’t think I like you anymore”? _

At first Jungkook had thought he might belong at the parties. Belong with Daehyun. But everytime Daehyun ran off without him, drunk and laughing, the seed of doubt in his mind grew. 

Idly, Jungkook sipped on the sprite in his cup as he watched Daehyun dance to a song that was almost entirely base. He sighed, and took a long sip of his drink. All it did was make his nose burn at the carbonation.

Then there was a boy, young like Jungkook, but much more confident. The boy made his way up to Daehyun and started dancing so close to him, they could have been connected. Daehyun just let him, just touched him and danced on him as if Jungkook wasn’t even there. Anger burned in Jungkook’s chest. It was unfamiliar, but it felt better than being sad.

“You look like you need a drink.” A voice said close to his ear. Jungkook turned quickly to see a girl with fiery orange hair and a lazy smirk.

“I have one.” Jungkook mumbled, looking down at his cup. The drink was lukewarm now, Jungkook having nursed it for almost an hour already.

“A real one. Come on, parties aren’t for moping.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. The girl worked quickly, grabbing bottles and mixing a drink with an expertise Jungkook couldn’t imagine ever having. Finally, she smiled and held the drink toward him. Jungkook hesitated to take it.

“You’ll like this, I promise. It’s my pattened ‘Just fuck me up fam,’ but with a delicious blue gaterade flavor.” Sighing, Jungkook took the drink and took a careful sip. It was… strong. Much stronger than anything Daehyun had ever given him. He coughed, the burn making his eyes water.

“What- what did you put in this?” Jungkook choked out. The girl laughed.

“What didn’t I put in it?” Somehow, despite the high alcohol content, it tasted better than anything he’d drank at a party before. And maybe it would brighten his mood too.

“I’m Lisa by the way. You’re Daehyun’s boy. Jungkook, right?” Jungkook took a long sip of his drink and nodded. His head was already beginning to feel a little fuzzy.

“He’s out there grinding up on a drunk straight boy. You should do something about that.” Lisa stated firmly. Jungkook wondered what her deal was.

“I don’t know if I really have a ‘deal.’” Oh shit, he said that out loud, “But I just know Daehyun and I know the type he goes for. You really want him to stick with you, then you have to blow his fucking mind.”

“How do I do that?” Lisa raised her eyebrows.

“You really want me to spell it out for you?” Jungkook nodded. Sighing, Lisa leaned in close, her movements exaggerated like the main character of a disney channel show telling someone a secret.

“I can’t do that!” Jungkook pushed her back, face bright red. Lisa laughed again.

“Not this sober, you can’t.” Frowning, Jungkook stared down at the drink in his hand. He didn’t feel sober. He felt light and floaty. He felt good. But then, his good never seemed to be enough for everyone else.

“If you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. But I’m just saying. Daehyun has trouble staying committed. You’d have to be really special to get him to choose you. It’s all about that last step. You wanna seal the deal or let it go?” Jungkook opened his mouth to answer, but Lisa was gone. He watched her brightly colored hair bob through the crowd and out of his sight.

Staring into his drink again, Jungkook mulled over her words.  _ Seal the deal or let it go. _ Briefly, he thought of what his friends would say. They would tell him to let it go.  _ But what do they know? They’re just being greedy. They want you to be alone. They want you to rely on them. _ Was that true?  _ You should do what you want. You know what you want. _ He did.

Jungkook chugged the drink back, ignoring the burn and the stench of alcohol. He felt it almost immediately. His stomach felt warm inside, he felt so warm. Jungkook grabbed the bottle of vodka and sloppily poured some more into his cup. He didn’t bother to mix anything in, just drank it quickly and let the feeling hit. It tasted nauseating, but Jungkook ignored it.

With drunken determination, Jungkook made his way into the living room where Daehyun was sitting on the couch, chatting closely with the boy from earlier.

“Daehyun.” Jungkook called out, getting his attention right away. Daehyun’s face twisted in confusion.

“Come with me.” Jungkook grabbed Daehyun’s wrist and pulled him up the stairs and into an empty bedroom. Daehyun pulled out of his weak grip after shutting the door.

“What are you doing, Kook?” His voice felt far away, too soft, too low.

“Want you with me.” Jungkook muttered, suddenly shy. His liquid courage wasn’t giving him as much courage as he’d hoped, “Not with… I want you.” 

There was a moment of silence. But then, like magic, Daehyun’s lips were on his. Jungkook almost forgot to breathe. The kiss was bad, it was sloppy and wet and it made Jungkook cringe.

Daehyun pushed Jungkook onto the bed, his hands traveling everywhere. Jungkook just held onto Daehyun’s shoulders weakly. The kisses moved down. His jaw, then his neck, then his collarbone. And then his shirt was being lifted. Jungkook’s heart beat faster.

A blink and Jungkook’s shirt was gone. Another and so was Daehyun’s. The skin contact felt overwhelming. Jungkook felt… wrong. He felt like prey. Briefly, he looked at Daehyun’s expression. His eyes were dark and greedy. His lips kissed and nipped at Jungkook’s skin with a desperate hunger.

Jungkook felt overwhelmed and itchy and floaty and nauseous. He had to get away.

Pushing back against Daehyun’s shoulders, Jungkook sat up, his breath coming short.

“S-stop. I don’t… not now.” He gasped. Daehyun’s expression shifted. This time it didn’t shift back.

“You said you wanted me.” Jungkook stood, but Daehyun grabbed his arm and threw him back on the bed. “Are you fucking with me? Is that it?”

“No, I’m not-” His vision was blurring, alarms were blaring in his head.  _ Get out get out get out get out. _

“You’re such a piece of shit. You tell me how to act then you don’t even put out. What the fuck is wrong with you?” What  _ was _ wrong with him? Shouldn’t he just take it?

“I can’t- I can’t-”

“You can’t, you can’t,” Daehyun mocked, then slammed his hand down beside Jungkook’s head, “Stop fucking whining.”  _ GetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutGETOUT. _

“Daehyun, please,” Jungkook begged, pushing against him with all the strength he could muster. Daehyun slammed his hand down again, just inches from Jungkook’s face. Jungkook couldn’t hold back his flinch.

“Shut the fuck up, you stupid-”

The door burst open. Jungkook whipped his head to see who his savior was.

“Jungkook, let’s go.” Lisa commanded, eyes cold. She didn’t spare a glance at Daehyun.

“The fuck are you doing?” Daehyun’s hand gripped Jungkook’s arm tight enough to really hurt.

“Want me to call the police? Let him go.” She held her stance. For a moment, no one moved, no one even breathed. Then Jungkook’s arm was free and Daehyun was off of him.

“I hope you choke, fucking bitch.” He spat as Jungkook stumbled out of the room, fumbling to pull his shirt back on.

“And I hope you don’t mind me telling everyone what a psychopath you are. Go to hell, asshat.” Lisa flipped Daehyun off before slamming the door shut behind her. Immediately, she turned her focus to Jungkook, who had sank down to the floor.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry I told you to-” She started, but the attention just made him panic more. Jungkook stood abruptly.

“I’m fine. Don’t- don’t worry about me.” He stared at the beer stained rug under his feet.

“Jungkook-” But he was already walking away. He just had to go. He was fine.

The night air was crisp and cool against Jungkook’s flushed skin. His breathing had finally gone back to normal and a quick check with his camera told him he looked fairly normal, just a bit drunk.

“Jungkook.” He looked up to see Namjoon and just like that, any composure he had gathered was gone. The floodgates had opened and all he could do about it was sob in Namjoon’s mom’s car.

“Jungkook, what-” Jungkook scrubbed at his face, sniffling.

“Don’t tell anyone. Promise you won’t tell anyone.” Namjoon hesitated, confusion and worry creasing his brow.

“Okay. Okay, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why I say I'll update soon when I pretty much only do it once a month lol. Please leave comments and kudos and support the BLM movement.


	6. Sophomore year: day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change again, but Jungkook keeps getting the short end of the stick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao you know it's gonna be rough when the first DAY is 3000+ words

At the end of the summer, Jungkook’s parents gave him an ultimatum.

“You can either drop your little art class or you can intern at the company. It’s up to you.” His mother announced as she sipped her black coffee. 

He didn’t want to work at his parent’s company. In fact, though it made him sound a bit like a spoiled child, he wasn’t even quite sure what his parents’ company  _ did _ . It was something to do with finances, and that alone made Jungkook want to fall asleep out of boredom.

“Some people work incredibly hard to even be considered for an internship like this, Jungkook. You should be grateful and take the opportunity.” 

That was the part he hated most. Jungkook had spent his whole life trying to avoid becoming one of those rich kids who used their privilege to be better than others. And now it was like his parents were forcing him into that role, using their high-up positions to sneak him past all the barriers.

But then there was the loss of his art class to consider. To them, it was a stupid distraction. A derailment from what they deemed important to his education. To Jungkook, however, it was everything. It was what kept him from really breaking down and losing his shit. Without that release, Jungkook didn’t know where he’d be.

So once again he was placed in front of the fork in the road. He could turn into everything he hated to save what he loved, or he could give up the one thing that brought him joy to keep his integrity. It was a hard decision, but to Jungkook it was a matter of pride versus sanity. Without his sanity, what use was his pride?

“I’ll do the internship then.” Jungkook caved, eyes downcast. He flinched slightly at the sudden weight of his father’s hand on his shoulder.

“Good choice. You’re lucky enough that we didn’t make you work in the summer like other kids. Of course, that too has its purpose. A job looks good on a resume, but why waste your time on a job that has no upward growth? You’ll find this internship is the best thing to happen to you.” Jungkook just nodded.

“I have to go finish up some last minute school stuff.” He lied, hurrying quickly out of the office and into his bedroom. He fell back onto his bed with a great sigh.

Staring up at the star stickers on his ceiling, Jungkook felt incredibly small. Like to everyone around him he was just a doll to be played with.

His parents liked to dress him up in ties and blazers and throw him into fancy parties and offices. Daehyun had liked to touch him all over and drag him to places where he felt uncomfortable. Even his friends treated him like something to be taken care of. Like not only was he just a doll, but he was one made of porcelain, too fragile to just leave unprotected and unwatched.

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to run away from it all. To pack up some clothes and cash and just leave without a word. Would his parents even notice? Would his friends really care? Maybe they would and Jungkook mattered more than he thought. But there was always that seed of doubt.

Jungkook knew he wouldn’t ever actually have the guts to run away, though. His brain seemed to stop him everytime he wanted to take action. He was a coward through and through.

If Jungkook had had any luck in his life, it was all used up freshman year. Looking back, he really used to have everything. All of his friends were in his classes, Jin was still around, and life was pretty much drama free.

Sophomore year was a different story. Sophomore year was a fucking nightmare.

Not only were Jungkook’s classes ten times harder, but he was alone in all of them. Jimin and Taehyung, on the other hand, seemed to be endlessly lucky. They were, once again, in nearly all of the same classes, with the exception of electives and math (Jimin was too smart for his own good). The two of them expressed a dramatic amount of sadness for Jungkook’s situation, however Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder if they were secretly happy to be rid of him.

Things between Jungkook and his friends were different after Daehyun. It was like there was a line that hadn’t been there before. Neither side was willing to cross it and so everyone ended up being just a little too careful, a little too guarded.

“You’re not going to believe what just happened to me.” Hoseok began, speaking far too loudly for the very public hallway Jungkook was hanging out in with the rest of the group.

“You’re not going to like what’s about to happen to you if you keep shouting like that at 8am on a Monday.” Namjoon grumbled. Hoseok sighed dramatically, giving Jungkook a pleading look. He knew what that meant.

“Oh, Hoseok, my dear friend, what could possibly have happened?” Jungkook asked with dry enthusiasm. Taehyung snickered as Hoseok immediately brightened.

“You all remember my ex-boyfriend?”

“Don’t tell me you got back together with him, Minjun cheated on you. With a freshman!” Jimin exclaimed, horror twisting his expression. 

Jungkook felt mildly panicked at the talk of relationships. He hadn’t exactly told anyone what happened over the summer and he definitely didn’t intend to. Subtly he glanced at Namjoon, who seemed overall disinterested in the topic at hand. Namjoon had kept his word as far as Jungkook knew, but how long would that last?

“No, of course not. But as I was walking through the parking lot I saw him chatting up someone I’d never even seen before. And- I know it’s a little petty, but I’m a petty bitch- I went over to the new guy and was all like ‘look dude, I don’t know you, but this guy is a cheating bastard, so think before you get in a relationship with him,’ and it turns out that this boy is Minjun’s fucking  _ cousin _ who’s living with him!” Hoseok paused for their reaction. No one said anything. Hoseok sighed, and tried again, “This boy is his  _ cousin _ !” They got the hint that time.

“Wow, crazy!”

“Hobi, I really can’t believe that!”

“What a wild start to your senior year.”

“That’s the most insane thing I’ve ever heard!” Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, I thought, well, since he’s Minjun’s cousin he’ll probably try and bash me. But, get this, the new kid joined in on me shit talking Minjun! He was all like ‘yeah, I always knew he was a prick, man I hate living with him.’ So I was like, this dude needs to be my friend. And so I walked him to the office to deal with his transfer student stuff and we were talking and all that, and-” The bell rang, interrupting Hoseok’s run ons.

“Damn, wait a sec, I’m almost done.” He tried, but no one seemed all too interested in hearing the rest of his story.

“Tell us later, yeah?” Taehyung said, giving Hoseok a consoling pat on the shoulder.

The group split up, heading out to their first period classes. Jungkook watched Jimin and Taehyung, unable to dismiss the jealous ache in his chest. He’d have to tough it out and keep it hidden. If they knew they would hate him. He was sure of it.

The day was going fine, as any day in Jungkook’s unlucky and terrible existence could go. Everything really was fine, at least, until fifth period. He was coming off of lunch, feeling much more high spirited after a half an hour dedicated to two things he loved: his friends and food. But that all changed on his way to sociology.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Daehyun, leaning casually against a locker, talking to a girl who couldn’t have been anything but a freshman. He looked good, of course he looking fucking good. But the sight made bile rise in his throat.

Jungkook had to walk by them to get to class, there would be no avoiding it. He moved quickly, eyes downcast and hands gripping his backpack straps with too much force. As he walked by, he heard the pair laughing. Daehyun’s laugh sent Jungkook spiraling.

“...because I like you. I think you’re cute.” He was saying. The words were so familiar that they sucked the oxygen right out of Jungkook’s lungs. 

The room was spinning, the bile was rising again.  _ Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout _ . Shit, it was happening again. Flashes of  _ that night _ burned in his mind as he stumbled into the bathroom, collapsing onto his knees in front of the toilet just in time.

After throwing up any food or happiness gathered during lunch, Jungkook leaned against the side of the stall, struggling for air. He couldn’t go to class like this. Hell, he couldn’t go anywhere if he tried. He needed help.

Jungkook’s hands were shaking violently as he struggled to type on his phone.  _ Try harder, no one’s going to come if they can’t understand you _ .

_ Jungkook: help _

_ Jungkook: bsthroom firstfloor _

_ Jungkook: pls _

Hours seemed to go by before Jungkook heard the sound of the bathroom door swinging open. There were rushed footsteps, quick breaths.

“Jungkook? You in here?” The breathless voice asked. Jungkook sighed in relief.

“You came.” The stall door was pushed open, Namjoon looked visibly worried.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Jungkook bite at his lip, looking down. He felt stupid all of a sudden. How selfish was he to force Namjoon to skip class just for his immature mental breakdown?

“Kook, hey, just breathe with me, okay?” He hadn’t even realized his breaths had become so shallow. It took a long time for Jungkook to calm down. In fact, though his mind was incoherently hazy, Jungkook was sure at least one period had passed.

“You wanna talk about what happened?” Namjoon asked, after a moment of silence.

“I just…” He knew he had to talk about it. Bottling everything up was killing him. But wasn’t forcing his drama on Namjoon almost worse?

“You can tell me, Kook. I won’t tell the others if you don’t want me to.” That was enough to convince him.

“I saw Daehyun. He was flirting with a freshman and… I don’t know. I guess it just triggered me.” Jungkook admitted, picking at the skin around his nails.

“What happened between you two? I mean, that night...” Namjoon trailed off.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You should talk about it with someone. The others know something’s up with you, they just don’t know what it is. They’re worried and so am I. If Daehyun did something to you-” It was too much.

“Namjoon. Please. I just- I want to move on.” Jungkook insisted. Namjoon sighed, clearly disappointed.  _ Great job, Jungkook, your ability to constantly let everyone around you down is truly astounding! _

“Okay. I’m here if you change your mind. All of us are here for you.” Jungkook nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Are you okay to go to class?” Namjoon asked, voice unbelievably caring.

“I don’t even know what period it is.” Jungkook laughed humorlessly. Namjoon looked at his watch, then up at the ceiling as if searching his brain for something.

“It’s about halfway through sixth.” Jungkook nodded again, relieved. Sixth was art class. Ms. Kang would be forgiving.

The two parted ways, and Jungkook made his way to the art room, eyeing the new empty hallways with great caution. He made it to class with no further incidents.

But standing outside the door he became anxious again. Ms. Kang was probably talking about the syllabus, or giving a tour of the room. He would be interrupting. Should he knock or should he just walk in? Sure, Ms. Kang wouldn’t be angry at him for being late but what about the other students? Would they judge him? Would they think he was pretentious?

The door suddenly opened and Jungkook was faced with Areum, who also seemed to be taking art again. Her expression darkened upon seeing him, but she didn’t say anything as she walked by, bathroom pass in hand. Jungkook slipped into the classroom, mumbling an apology to Ms. Kang who was explaining the clean up rules.

Jungkook found himself sitting in the corner alone again. The stool next to him felt more empty than it had at the start of last year.  _ Jin should be here _ . But Jin was doing better things with his time. He was going to be a famous actor. Someone who everyone loved and everyone looked up to. Jungkook was being silly by wishing he was still by his side.

Eventually the bell rang and his peers hauled ass out of the classroom. Jungkook lingered, hoping Ms. Kang would approach him so he would have an excuse to stay and chat. She didn’t disappoint.

“I’m glad to see you back, Jungkook. How was your summer?” She asked, bright smile warming Jungkook’s mood.

“It was okay. I didn’t do much.” He answered simply.

“Did you do any painting? You know I’m always excited to see what you make.”

“I mostly just sketched. My parents kept getting mad about the paint messes.” Jungkook explained. Ms. Kang laughed knowingly.

He had made a lot of art over the summer. In fact, he had never created so many drawings in such a short time frame before. But at the end of the summer he threw his whole sketchbook away. Because almost every drawing was of Daehyun. It was a bitter feeling. Knowing some of his best sketches were unbearable to look at now. Were intolerable to only him.

“Well, I’m excited to see what you make this year. Not to spoil the end of quarter project for you, but it’s the same as last year’s. I hope you’ll be able to express how you’ve changed in your art.” Jungkook’s gut twisted. He had changed a lot since last year. But he wasn’t so sure if any of it was for the better.

“We’ll have to see.” He gave her a strained smile before heading off to his last class. The day was almost over. And after that, there was only an entire year of torture left.

After school, Jungkook arrived at Oh Financial Group, feeling a bit ridiculous in his white button up and tie. The building was cold, the airconditioning much too strong for all the tile and marble making up each minimalistically bare room.

A kind young woman led him to a small meeting room where several other kids his age were sitting around on their phones. They glanced up when he entered, some dashing to hide their phones, as if Jungkook hadn’t already seen them through the glass door.

The silence was overwhelmingly awkward. It was the kind of silence you felt uncomfortable breaking, so you held back any sounds you might accidentally make. The girl across from Jungkook cleared her throat, the sound was quiet, but it felt so incredibly loud. Jungkook cringed, praying to god someone would come in to end the awkwardness.

Thankfully that someone finally arrived, bringing with her assignments for each of the interns. She began listing off their tasks for the day, going name by name.

“Jeon Jungkook.” She said, forcing Jungkook to pay attention, “Filing. Floor 5. Cha Jiho, you can help him.” Jungkook looked to the only other boy who seemed to show a response to what the woman was saying.  _ Cha Jiho. _

He had black hair, much like literally everyone else, styled cleanly and out of his face. There wasn’t a wrinkle on his shirt or tie, but there was a wrinkle between his brow. He looked exactly like the kind of person who should receive an internship at a successful finance company. Not like the kind of person who belonged in  _ filing _ of all places. But Jungkook wasn’t one to question why two people were deemed necessary for such a basic task, or why someone who looked so put together was being thrown into it with Jungkook, who didn’t even want to be there.

After the quick briefing, Jungkook and Jiho made their way to the fifth floor, not saying a word to each other. Jiho kept glancing at him, seeming rather annoyed to be working a shit job with a complete stranger. Jungkook couldn’t blame him.

They found themselves in a large room, full of boring papers detailing years of financial history of several companies and organizations. Somehow, the two boys were meant to sort the mess with no information on exactly  _ how _ to sort it.

After a moment of hesitation, Jungkook turned to Jiho.

“So do you want to-” He started, but Jiho whipped his head toward him, a glare set in his pale face.

“Don’t act like you’re going to be any help.” Jungkook blinked, confused.

“What?”

“They put me here because they don’t expect you to work, so you shouldn’t worry about letting them down. In fact, you’ve already surpassed their expectations by dressing right. So good job, Jeon, you get a big golden star on your first day.” He snapped, then stormed off to a mangled pile of papers.

Jungkook wasn’t quite sure what had just happened.  _ Was that real? _ How did Jiho even know about his situation? Did everyone know? And did everyone expect him to be a pretentious, lazy asshole?

Gut twisting, Jungkook followed Jiho, digging his nails into his palm to ground himself.

“I don’t know who told you that, but I’m here to work. I want to help.” He insisted. Jiho just scoffed.

“Sure. Is that what daddy told you to say?” Jiho responded, pouting mockingly. Jungkook had never felt the urge to punch someone before, but staring at Jiho’s stupid condescending expression, he felt on the verge of losing control.

“I may not have earned my place here-” Jungkook started calmly, trying to restrain himself.

“No, you haven’t. There are people who deserve to be here and then there are little rich boys whose parents make them come. I worked my ass off to get this job. I researched every part of this company. Every past trouble or success, every employee’s background, so that when I stepped into that interview, I was the best, the  _ only _ choice. That’s how I know who you are, by the way. I doubt the others do. And if you want to keep it that way, I suggest you listen to me when I tell you this,” Jiho moved closer, so close Jungkook could almost feel his breath, “Don’t get in my way. You do your shit, I do mine. I don’t want to be your friend, so don’t try and talk to me like we’re buddies. Got it?”

Jungkook nodded, wide-eyed as he watched Jiho return to the stack of papers, muttering to himself all the while.

With a sigh, Jungkook looked up at the dim ceiling light.  _ Yeah,  _ he thought,  _ sophomore year is a fucking nightmare. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaaa I'm back! Not gonna lie, I had a majority of this written like two weeks ago, but I couldn't figure out if I wanted to make this half of sophomore year or just the first day, so I decided to not write anything and drag out my indecision lol.  
> Thank you for the love and support this has gotten so far, it genuinely makes me smile to see your comments and kudos. Stay safe out there :)


	7. Sophomore year: day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something new is coming. Jungkook doesn't know how to feel.

Jungkook arrived at school early the second day, glancing around paranoid. He needed to be careful to avoid Daehyun. Sending himself into a panic right before seeing his friends would definitely not be good.

“Boo!” Jungkook jumped, stumbling into a locker. Taehyung’s familiar laugh rang out behind him. His gangly arm wrapped around Jungkook’s shoulders.

“Damn, I really got you, huh? What’s up, Kook, why do you look like you’re hiding drugs?” Taehyung paused, “ _ Are  _ you hiding drugs? Can I have some? Friend discount?” Jungkook laughed, feeling himself relax.

“I’m not hiding drugs. I’m just… avoiding someone.” Taehyung’s eyes narrowed with intrigue.

“Who?” Jungkook shook Taehyung’s arm off as they approached their friend group.

“It doesn’t matter.” Jungkook brushed him off, “What  _ does _ matter is that my internship sucks ass.” He said the second part loud enough to garner the attention of his other friends, who turned their attention to the pair as soon as they heard.

“Jungkookie! You’re finally here!” Jimin hugged him tightly, like they hadn’t just seen each other yesterday.

“What happened?” Taehyung asked, making a slight ‘oof’ sound when Jimin attacked him with a hug next.

“I spent two hours sorting financial reports with this jerk who hates me. Everytime I tried to be helpful he called me some version of ‘privileged daddy’s boy.’” Jungkook complained.

“Want me to beat him up for you?” Jimin asked, making Jungkook snort.

“He’s like three times your size. He’d crush you, dude.”

“Not if Hobi and I help!” Taehyung countered.

“Why am I not included?” Namjoon asked, a slight frown on his exhausted face. He really wasn’t a morning person.

“You’re too logical to get in a fist fight.” Taehyung explained. Namjoon just shrugged in agreement.

“Where is Hobi, anyway?” Jungkook asked, looking around for his bright eyed friend.

“He’s with that new kid again. I guess he’s trying to convince him to join the gang.” Jimin answered. Jungkook bit at his lip, looking down at the tiled floor. It wasn’t that he was opposed to a new friend, it was just… it was just that Jungkook barely felt like he was worth his spot as it was. A new person could easily replace him.

“We’re not a gang, Jimin. None of us have ever even been in a fight.” Namjoon scoffed.

“Not yet. But once Jungkook gives us the name of the prick at work, that’s a box we can check. Then all that’s left is drugs and vandalism.” The bell sounded, cutting off Jimin’s far too excited criminal planning.

“Good meeting, gang. JK, I expect a name by the end of the day.” Taehyung grinned, pointing a knowing finger at Jungkook. Laughing, Jungkook just shook his head and waved goodbye.

_ Day 2, _ Jungkook thought, making his way to first period,  _ Don’t fuck it up this time. _

After lunch, Jungkook was careful to avoid looking at anyone in the halls. He couldn’t fail sociology just because his asshole ex was always blocking the path.

Heart pounding, Jungkook rushed through the halls, making it to his classroom safely. He sighed in relief, then hesitantly made his way in.

“You must be Jeon Jungkook. We missed you yesterday.” A man Jungkook assumed to be his teacher exclaimed upon his entry to the room.

“Oh, yeah, I was kind of sick.” Jungkook mumbled.

“Well, good to see you’re feeling better. I’m Mr. Ko, and all you missed yesterday was a look over the syllabus. So,” Mr. Ko rummaged around his desk for a moment before thrusting a piece of bright yellow paper toward him, “Here it is. Throughout the semester we’ll be doing a life simulation project. You’ll be paired with a classmate and go through all the steps of adulthood together. Marriage, children, budgeting, buying cars, houses, all the works.”

Jungkook found the idea of the project interesting, but the problem of him not knowing a single person in his class remained. What if no one wanted to pair up with him? What if someone was forced to work with him and not one of their friends?

“I’m randomly pairing everyone up today, so just sit wherever. You’ll all be moving in a moment.” 

Jungkook felt equal parts relieved and stressed. He still had the chance to ruin someone’s project. Someone’s entire experience in the class, even. Taking a seat in the far back corner, Jungkook miserably stared at the syllabus, taking note of just how much partner work was involved in the class. He was fucked.

About ten minutes into class, the assignments began. Jungkook watched in silent dread as students accepted their partners with fake smiles or real excitement. Jungkook prayed his partner wouldn’t hate him at the very least. He could live with apathy. In fact, he’d love an apathetic partner. Maybe someone who wouldn’t even show up most days. Jungkook could do the whole project on his own. Maybe he should just ask to work alone before someone was assigned to him.

“Jeon Jungkook,” Jungkook perked his head up as his name was called, heart racing in anticipation. Mr. Ko smiled, “Min Yoongi.”

Min Yoongi was quiet. This was not good for Jungkook’s anxiety. The quietness could mean many things. Maybe Yoongi was shy. Maybe Yoongi was anxious too. Maybe Yoongi hated him. Maybe Yoongi was disappointed. Maybe Yoongi-

“So what grade are you in?” Yoongi asked in a voice that was much deeper than Jungkook expected.

“I’m a sophomore,” Jungkook answered softly, feeling too uncomfortable to raise his voice higher than a mutter, “Um, what about you?”

“Senior.” Jungkook tilted his head in confusion. Sociology wasn’t really a senior class.

“I just moved here. Some of my credits didn’t transfer, so…” Yoongi shrugged.  _ So this is the new kid Hobi likes. _ Jungkook wondered if he should ask about Hoseok. Would that be weird?

“It’s pretty annoying actually. I’ve already learned all of this, but the administration people are kind of assholes.” Yoongi sighed, after a long silence. So maybe he wasn’t annoyed with Jungkook, but just the class? Either way, he knew he should try to respond this time.

“Yeah…”  _ Jesus Christ, how is that a response? You might as well be a brick wall. _

“Should we exchange numbers?” Yoongi asked, suddenly. Jungkook whipped his head up in a panic.

“Huh?” He gasped, eyes wide. Yoongi cringed, looking away.

“For the- I meant for the project. In case we needed to… talk to each other.” Jungkook wanted to smack his head into a wall.  _ Of course that’s why he asked. Fucking idiot _ .

“Right. Um, sure. Do you wanna just,” Jungkook made a gesture toward Yoongi’s phone.

“Yeah.” With incredible awkwardness, the two traded phones and numbers.

Thankfully, after that interaction, Mr. Ko deemed the ‘getting to know you’ part of class over. Jungkook spared one last look at Yoongi before turning his attention to the board. How the hell was he going to make it through this project? And how the hell did Hoseok expect him to be friends with Min Yoongi?

When Jungkook got home from his internship, he felt like he stepped into another universe. For some odd reason, his parents were giving him attention. This attention came in the form of a family dinner, something that hadn’t happened in years. It should have felt nice. Instead it just felt strange.

“Jungkook, have some more rice.” His mother ordered, pointing at the rice bowl with a sleek black chopstick. Jungkook slowly nodded, staring distrustfully at her. Was it poisoned? Was this a ploy to get rid of the burden of parenthood?

“So, Jungkook, how’s the internship going?” His father asked. There it was. This wasn’t a family dinner. It was an interrogation.

“Okay. It’s mostly busywork.” Jungkook answered through a mouthful of some of the most delicious vegetables he’d ever had. Clearly his parents didn’t cook it. That thought dampened the taste a bit.

“Do I need to talk to Mrs. Moon? I know she has better jobs to offer.” Jungkook choked, coughing before he took a long sip of water.

“No, no it’s fine. It’s only been two days. I’ll just ask for a better job once this one is done.” He rushed out. God only knew what Jiho would do if Jungkook’s dad got him out of filing. Jungkook’s father shrugged and went back to his dinner.

There was a long silence as the three of them ate. Jungkook wondered if that one question was really the only reason they forced a family dinner upon him.

“Jungkook, are you dating anyone?” The question made his heart drop. Jungkook’s hand paused in midair, pieces of rice falling back onto his plate.

“No. Why do you ask?” He didn’t dare look up. What if they knew? How could they when they were barely home? It wasn’t like he even tried hard to hide it? But it was over now. Did that matter? It didn’t change that fact that he was  _ gay _ .

“Good. There’s a girl we want you to meet. The daughter of a possible business partner.” His mother continued. Slowly, Jungkook’s heart started to beat again. They were setting him up?

“If you two were to date it would strengthen the bonds between our two companies significantly. You would have to attend company parties and galas together, of course.”

_ They’re just using you. All you are is a pawn for them to trade. _

“So you’re selling me for your own benefit.” Jungkook snapped, unaware of where the sudden anger burning in his chest had come from. He heard chopsticks being slammed onto the table.

“Don’t you dare use that tone with me.” His father’s voice dropped low, full of warning. But Jungkook wasn’t in the mood to back down. He slammed his own chopsticks down, and stood up, hands set firmly on the table.

“I’m not an object. You can’t just trade me for a business deal.” He hissed.

“You’re being ridiculous. All you have to do is date a girl. It’s not like we’re forcing you into slavery.” His mother laughed coldly.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be as pissed if either of you talked to me on a regular basis-”

“Jungkook, how  _ dare _ you-”

“If you didn’t just talk to me when you needed shit-”

“Do you really want to keep going with this?”

“If you actually  _ loved _ me-”

Jungkook heard the slap before he felt it. There was a moment of quiet, like an empty city after a hurricane. His cheek throbbed, his eyes burned. He stood his ground.

“I’m not your property. I’m your son. Even if I don’t want to be.” He finished, voice quiet. Jungkook practically ran out of the dining room, ignoring his parents' threats and shouts as he grabbed his backpack and left the house.

The bike ride to the Park’s was short, and when he entered the house his heart only ached more. The three of them were sitting together in the living room, watching some stupid variety show and laughing. They were happy.

Jimin heard the front door shut first, turning his head to see Jungkook, who’s burning eyes had turned into hot tears.

Before he knew it, Jungkook was crying into Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin’s hand ran through Jungkook’s hair, a wasted attempt at soothing him.

“I hate them.” He cried, once the two were sat on Jimin’s bed.

“You and me both.” Jimin muttered, squeezing just a little tighter, “You wanna talk about it?” Jungkook pulled his head out from the crook of Jimin’s neck and wiped at his face.

“Not now.”

“Fine. But later you have to.” Jungkook nodded again, letting his head fall back onto Jimin’s shoulder.

“I love you, Jimin.” He mumbled.

“I love you too, Kook. A lot of people do.” Jungkook glared at the floor. Because even if everyone in the world loved him, he knew two people who never would. No matter how much he wanted them to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update in the same month? Who says miracles can't happen ;)  
> Also ayyyy Mr A to the G to the U to the STD himself has arrived. It only took 20000 words for the love interest to show up lmao  
> I was gonna make this happier but then I made it sad at the end so ig what I'm saying is that I cannot for the life of me write pure fluff  
> Anyway, I just got back from my aunt's lake house and wrote all this asap, so if you want clarity and inspiration enjoy some nice summer air and spend time with your family. Love you all, stay safe out there!


	8. Sophomore year: day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook's real family pulls through.

Jungkook woke up the next morning with a feeling of wanting to go back to sleep. A quick glance to the clock told him it was only 5am. Too early to wake up. But Jungkook knew himself and he knew there was no point in going back to sleep.

As sneakily as he could, Jungkook slipped out of bed, pausing slightly when Jimin made a discontented sound. Now free, he wondered what he should do. There was probably some homework he forgot to do during his mental breakdown, but he didn’t really think he could do it.

There was an ache in his chest that was tying him down. It was heavy and tight and suffocating. Jungkook turned to look back at Jimin, who slept so easily it made Jungkook burn with jealousy. He was always jealous of Jimin. Jealous of his family, of his relationship, of his intelligence. Jimin had everything. Of course, he had struggles too, but they weren’t so burdensome like Jungkook’s. Jimin couldn’t be a burden if he tried.

With a soft sigh, Jungkook padded out of the room and down the stairs. If he couldn’t sleep he might as well have coffee. God only knew he needed the energy.

Unexpectedly, Jungkook wasn’t alone in the kitchen. Mr. Park stood in front of the coffee pot, yawning in a very dad-like manner. The yawn turned into a tired smile when he noticed Jungkook.

“Morning, kid. You’re up early.” Jungkook gave him a half assed grin in return as he took a seat at the counter.

“My body’s internal clock hates me.” Mr. Park chuckled.

“Nothing wrong with being an early riser. Not when coffee exists.” He held up a mug, “Need a cup?”

“Please.” Jungkook nodded enthusiastically. Only after his first sip of the intoxicatingly warm drink did Jungkook realize how cold he was. He felt a bit like a corpse. The coffee restored some life.

“How’s school been? Made any new enemies?” Jungkook snorted.

“Aren’t you supposed to ask about friends, not enemies?”

“I’ll see whatever new friends you make, I’ll only ever  _ hear _ about your enemies.” This time Jungkook laughed fully.

“No enemies yet. It’s only been two days.”

“A lot can happen in two days.” He commented, sipping ominously on his coffee, “What about your classes? Not too hard I hope.”

“They’re okay. Definitely more homework this year.” Jungkook sighed.

“Well, you know if you ever need help we’re here. I’m no mathematician though, so if that’s your problem…”

“I’ll go to Jimin.”

“That’s my boy.” Mr. Park ruffled his hair with a grin. Jungkook’s heart ached again. His parents had never asked about school. Or offered to help.

“Thank you. For being here for me.” Jungkook said quietly, after a slight pause.

“You don’t have to thank us. You’re one of ours. And we’re not letting you go.” Mr. Park smiled warmly. Jungkook nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Now, Jimin mentioned something about some mysterious new kid. He won’t say much but I’m curious. Are we expecting a new member of the gang?” Mr. Park swiftly changed the subject, obviously noticing Jungkook’s growing sadness.

“We’re not a gang!” Jungkook exclaimed, then stopped and thought for a moment, “And I don’t know. I’m not sure if he fits.”

“Well, time will tell.” After taking a long sip of coffee, Jungkook nodded in agreement.

“I guess it will.”

“Today we’ll be picking your careers. You will reach into the box of death and draw out a paper with a job on it. This will be your job, no tradesies. Then you’ll use your average monthly salaries to start budgeting. So first up, Woojin and Eun.” Mr. Ko explained the day's assignment, holding up a cardboard box artfully decorated with skull stickers. 

Across the table, Yoongi drummed his fingers against the desk. Jungkook glanced at him with curiosity. He seemed deep in thought. Like he was pondering some great question. Perhaps he was dealing with something big at home. Maybe that was why he moved. There were rumors he had killed someone, but Jungkook assumed that’s all they were. But maybe...

“Why do you think it’s called the box of death?” Yoongi asked suddenly. So maybe he wasn’t  _ that _ deep in thought.

“Um, I don’t know.” Jungkook replied.  _ You should try to connect with him. See if he fits like Mr. Park said. Or at least look like less of a freak.  _ “Maybe there’s one of those, like, fake hand things people put in candy bowls for halloween. The ones that grab you or whatever.”  _ So that plan failed. Could you be any weirder? _

But then Yoongi laughed. It wasn’t much, but it didn’t seem fake at the very least.

“Yeah, with Mr. Ko I wouldn’t be surprised. So-” Yoongi started, but suddenly Mr. Ko was in front of their table, box held out like a threat.

“Last, but certainly not least, Yoongi and Jungkook.” The two made eye contact, both looking a bit worried for their fates. Yoongi went first.

“Surgeon,” his eyes widened as he kept reading, “ 22,600,000 won a month. Shit, we’re loaded.”

“Watch the cursing. I don’t care how rich you are.” Mr. Ko scolded jokingly. Yoongi grinned, “Jungkook, your turn.” 

With a nervous gulp, Jungkook slowly reached into the box and grabbed the last slip of paper. No fake hand tried to grab him. He opened the slip of paper, absolutely dreading the result already. Quickly he scanned the paper for his job and income.  _ Oh hell no. _

“Subway sandwich artist. 1,400,000 won a month.” The class snickered at his misfortune for a moment then moved on as Mr. Ko returned to the front. 

A subway employee. As if Jungkook couldn’t be any more of a shit partner to Yoongi. But when he looked up, Yoongi was still grinning, though he had also been one of the people laughing. Jungkook sighed.

“Sorry…” He muttered. Yoongi’s expression turned confused.

“For what? It was random. And I still make plenty of money.”

“We could have had more money though.” Yoongi huffed a laugh, drawing Jungkook’s eyes up from the table.

“It’s not a competition, you know. It’s just life. And as your husband, shouldn’t I support your sandwich making passion?” He looked so serious it made Jungkook feel almost… flustered. But then Yoongi grinned again and Jungkook was forced to bring himself back to reality.

“What makes you think sandwich making is my passion?” He quipped back.

“Why else would you keep that job? Marrying rich is a job in itself.” Jungkook really needed Yoongi to stop referring to him as his husband. It was doing things to Jungkook’s heart that he didn’t need.

“Well, I’m a hard worker. Gotta pay the bills in case you leave me.” Yoongi tilted his head to the side.

“Why would I leave? You must be great at making sandwiches. Housewife material.” Jungkook choked on air.

“That’s sexist.” He said, trying to hold back laughter.

“Sorry, it’s the money talking, not me. I won’t degrade your craft like that again.” Yoongi sighed dramatically. Jungkook nodded.

“Good. I’m a sandwich  _ artist _ , remember? It really is an art.”

“Right.” Yoongi replied, lips forming a small smile.

“Right.” Jungkook smiled back, his brain only slightly malfunctioning. Because yesterday he hadn’t known a thing about Yoongi. And today his stupid romantic heart wanted to know everything.

Jungkook didn’t go to his internship that day. He felt like he might regret it the next day when Jiho would inevitably insult him for two hours then skip off on a cloud of condescension, but just like in the morning, he felt too bogged down by his own emotions to do any work.

On top of that, he owed Jimin an explanation and perhaps an apology (though Jimin would most likely tell him he didn’t want the second thing).

“So,” Jimin began once the two of them were cuddled up in Jimin’s bed afterschool, “Last night. Do I need to kill your parents and kidnap you forever?” Jungkook snorted and lightly kicked Jimin’s ankle.

“As much as I’d love that, no. I just… we got in a fight. And I freaked out. That’s all.” He explained as vaguely as possible. If he gave too much away Jimin would actually try to keep him there. And though he’d love to stay with the Parks, Jungkook wasn’t their son. He wasn’t their responsibility. Not emotionally, and definitely not financially. Jungkook refused to be a burden to them.

“That’s not all. You fight with them a lot, but you never panic that bad. Did they hurt you?” Jimin asked, tone ferocious.

“No,” Jungkook insisted, “No, they… they wanted me to date this girl for a business thing. And I said no, cause I’m gay- well, I didn’t say that last part, they still don’t know I’m- you get it. But they got pissed and I got pissed they got pissed, and it all ended with me saying they don’t love me and-” He could tell Jimin. He  _ should _ tell Jimin. But Jimin would tell his parents. And then… “And they didn’t tell me I was wrong.”

“Fuck them.” Jimin hissed, his arms tightening around Jungkook’s shoulders.

“Jimin-”

“No, fuck them. They don’t deserve you, Jungkook.” He felt his eyes start to water. He didn’t want to cry again. But, god, he was so  _ tired _ .

“You’re so talented and kind and loving. And they’re pieces of shit who won’t take the time to dig their heads out of their asses to notice that.” Jungkook buried his face in Jimin’s shoulder once the tears started to fall. He let Jimin be angry for him. Let him rant for a long time because Jungkook couldn’t find the energy to do it anymore.

Though his heart was aching and tears were hot on his cheeks, Jungkook couldn’t help but smile. Because there were people in his corner. The kind of people who picked up his broken pieces and carried them over the finish line when he couldn’t do it himself. It made him feel a bit hopeful. Like even though his life was kind of shit at the moment, things might get better. And he might just get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter than normal but like 10x more positive. I thought I'd prove that I can, in fact, give Jungkook nice things (sometimes). Very excited about Yoongi again lol.  
> Is it possible to be obsessed with your own fanfic? Cause I am lmao I literally never stop thinking about this and all the stuff I want to write.   
> Anyway please enjoy my 3rd (damn bitch I'm on it) update of this month. Who knows, maybe I'll get ballsey and go for a 4th.  
> Stay safe, kids.  
> Love ya lots! <3


	9. Sophomore year: day 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's back to the battlefield for Jungkook.

“Hobi’s not here again? Do you think he’s mad at us?” Jungkook asked upon arriving at school with Jimin. Their usual morning spot was occupied by Namjoon and Taehyung, Hoseok not anywhere in sight.

“He’s in my english class. Still makes fun of me when I mention Friends. So I don’t think he’s mad.” Namjoon answered, tilting his head thoughtfully.

“Wait, Namjoon, you watch Friends?” Taehyung asked in mock amazement, “That is, like, sooo cool of you.”

“Shut up, Tae.” Namjoon slapped hin on the arm lightly. Next to Jungkook, Jimin sighed.

“What’s up?” He asked Jimin, who was staring at the lockers across the hall.

“Maybe he is mad. He’s been less active on the group chat lately. And he didn’t even make up an excuse when he didn’t text me back yesterday.” 

Jungkook thought back to his own interactions with Hoseok. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. Maybe he was a little more scattered than usual, but Jungkook had assumed that was just part of the back to school adjustment period. What if Hoseok was mad? Jungkook could barely keep his own life in check, much less try to figure out someone else’s.

“So Hobi’s not using his phone that much, that doesn’t mean he’s mad.” Taehyung countered, his tone defensive. Jungkook’s question had clearly gotten to him too.

“Maybe it’s the new kid.” Namjoon suggested suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“They’ve been spending a lot of time together. Hobi was talking about introducing us.” Jungkook bit his lip nervously. Now would be a good time to tell them he met the new kid. But then…

“Ugh, what the hell? Hoseok’s really ditching us for a stranger?” Taehyung whined, draping himself against the wall with all the drama of a theater kid.

“He’s allowed to have more friends than us, Tae.” Jimin laughed, but he looked a little hesitant too.

“He won’t leave us.” Jungkook said with certainty. There was a silence after he said it. Alarmed, Jungkook glanced up at his friends and was surprised to see them all wearing a collection of shocked and mildly confused expressions.

“What?” He asked nervously. Jimin’s face grew into a big grin.

“I never thought I’d hear you talk so confidently! Jungkookie!” Jimin pulled him into a hug. Jungkook squirmed to get away, embarrassment flushing his cheeks. His friends cooed around him, shooting praises like bullets. In his humiliation, Jungkook noticed a certain new student in the hall.

Yoongi’s eyes were dark and blank. He had shiny black headphones on, the kind music lovers pay good money for. People seemed to move out of his way on instinct. But then Yoongi looked up and their eyes met.

There was a brief pause before Yoongi raised his hand in an awkward greeting, his whole demeanor shifting. Jungkook returned the gesture with a nervous smile.

“Who was that?” Taehyung prompted, tone teasing.

“Just…” Jungkook watched Yoongi disappear through the crowd as the bell rang, “Someone from class.”

In sociology they watched a movie. Mr. Ko’s kid was sick, so he had to stay home. It was some documentary about early childhood development. The poor film had the opportunity to be interesting, but the second they started mentioning medical terms, Jungkook’s brain tapped out. 

Instead, he used the dark room to watch Min Yoongi. He felt incredibly creepy, but who was he to deny his own curiosity?

Yoongi was an enigma. He walked around the halls with headphones on and an uninviting grimace. Then in sociology he acted all friendly. He would smile and reassure Jungkook like they were already friends. But Yoongi didn’t  _ have  _ friends. The rumor mill was eating the kid up, so no one but Hoseok was even crazy enough to talk to him.

_ Yoongi killed his parents, that’s why he lives with his cousin. _

_ Yoongi got his dad fired so they had to move. _

_ Yoongi got expelled for dealing drugs. _

_ Yoongi’s a part of the mafia. _

The rumors were crazy, and Yoongi’s resting ‘don’t fuck with me’ face wasn’t helping them settle any.

It frustrated Jungkook because he understood. He knew what it was like to live life behind a scrim. To know that no matter what you do, your intentions, your feelings will never be clear to anyone else. He was lucky enough to have friends who at least tried to understand.

Suddenly, Jungkook wanted to run and hug Hoseok to pieces. Because Yoongi deserved friends who tried to understand him too. And if Jungkook were braver, he might’ve said right then and there, “wanna be friends?” Because that’s what Hoseok would do. And most likely, that’s what Hoseok did.

But Jungkook was terrified of Yoongi saying no. Of being the reason he couldn’t join their friend group. Of being the reason Yoongi was still alone.

So Jungkook kept his mouth shut and continued to observe silently in the flickering darkness of the classroom.

Jungkook almost fell out of his chair when Yoongi turned to face him suddenly. Blinking in confusion at Jungkook’s extreme reaction, Yoongi laughed awkwardly.

“Did I scare you? Sorry.” He whispered. Jungkook shook his head fervently.

“No, I was just stuck in my own head. That’s all.” Yoongi nodded slowly.

“You should get out of it. Mr. Ko will probably quiz us tomorrow.” Yoongi turned back to the documentary, the little smile he wore making him look a bit like a kitten. Jungkook’s heart ached again. He really wished it would stop doing that.

Jungkook knew Jiho was going to be a little shit when he came back, he just didn’t realize quite how bad it would be.

“Well, look who’s back. I thought you quit, daddy’s boy.” Jiho greeted him with a smirk. Jungkook rolled his eyes and took a seat by a pile of papers. It was grueling work, but the stacks were dwindling.

“Not going to say anything? No excuses? Or were your plans too explicit for work chat?” Jiho snuck behind him, his voice curling around Jungkook like a snake. His eye twitched, but he refused to give Jiho the satisfaction of a response.

With a sigh, Jiho stepped back, hands in the pockets of his grey slacks.

“You used to be way more fun to tease. Maybe I’m just not hitting the right nerves anymore.” Jungkook bit the inside of his cheek, grabbing the next paper more aggressively than the previous. Unfortunately, he was just too aggressive. Hissing in pain, Jungkook pulled his hand back and stared at the paper cut on his thumb. Blood welled up from the wound, slowly dripping down his hand.

“Ew, dude, you’re gonna get blood on the papers! Go get a bandaid or something.” Jiho exclaimed, grabbing his hand and pulling it away before any mess could be made. Jungkook tore himself out of Jiho’s grip and, with one last glare, stormed out of the room.

He didn’t really know where to go to find a bandaid. It felt childish to ask someone for one.  _ Like a little kid looking for mommy. _ Jungkook grimaced. Jiho had really gotten in his head that time.

Settling on just washing his hand and hoping it would stop bleeding on it’s own, Jungkook found himself in the bathroom. Luckily it was empty. As warm water poured over the cut on his hand, Jungkook sighed.

It hadn’t even been a week and his school year was already so messed up. Everytime something good happened, or he felt a little better, life came by and reminded him of what a walking disaster he really was.

Bloody hand attended to, Jungkook returned to filing only to see Jiho being scolded by Mrs. Moon.

“They’re all out of order. You’ve put yourself days behind!” Jungkook entered hesitantly, trying to be quiet. His plan seemed to fail as Mrs. Moon noticed him immediately.

“Jungkook, there you are.” He glanced at Jiho’s moping expression with wide eyes.

“What’s going on?” He asked. Mrs. Moon sighed and shook her head.

“The files are all out of order. Some of them are alphabetized in general and some by company. We need them separated by company. It’ll take hours to re-sort.” Jungkook’s heart dropped.  _ He _ was the one who messed up, not Jiho.

“Jiho, you’ll stay late tonight to fix this.” Mrs. Moon demanded. Jiho just nodded miserably. Jungkook really hated the kid, but he refused to prove him right. He was not some daddy’s boy and he was not without a work ethic.

“I’ll stay. It’s my mistake. I was the one who organized them wrong.” Jungkook admitted. Mrs. Moon’s face twisted in surprise.

“You- There’s no need for that. If Jiho knew, he should’ve helped you.” She had a point, but Jungkook couldn’t just let it go. His parents might not care, but the Parks taught him to be accountable. He wouldn’t let his real family down.

“Then we’ll both stay. We’ll finish faster that way.” Jungkook insisted. Mrs. Moon looked hesitant, like she thought he was testing her. Like after she agreed he would tell her it was a trick and get her fired. He hated that look.

“If you really want to.” She said finally.

“I do.” Mrs. Moon nodded and then left, still looking a bit like a scared animal. Once the door shut behind her, Jiho’s miserable expression turned furious.

“What the hell was that?” He hissed. Jungkook blinked in surprise. He did not expect that.

“I just want to help.” Jungkook explained, curling into himself.

“I didn’t ask you to.” Jiho snapped, “And now I have to babysit you all night.” Anxiety made way to anger, and Jungkook had to press hard against his cut to restrain it.

“What did you want me to do then?”

“What?”

“What should I have done? I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. So what, exactly, do you expect from me?” Jungkook held strong as Jiho got close, a fire in his eyes.

“Quit.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Why not?”

“At first it was because my parents wouldn’t let me. But now,” Jungkook stepped forward, pushing Jiho back lightly, “It’s because you want me to. And there’s no way in hell I’ll let you win.”

Jiho stared at him in shock.

“What? Do you give up already?” Jungkook felt cocky, borderline reckless. Jiho’s expression returned to a snarl.

“Fuck no.”

“Fine then,” Jungkook smirked, “Game on.”

Later that night, Jungkook was curled up in Jimin’s bed, listening to his friend’s soft breaths.

“Jimin, are you awake?” He asked in the quiet of the bedroom. Jimin hummed.

“Do you think I’m being stupid with this internship thing?” The pause after was so long Jungkook wondered if Jimin had fallen asleep.

“Not stupid. Just stubborn.”

“Do you think it’s worth it?”

“All that matters is that you think it is.” Jungkook looked out the window. The moon was buried under clouds tonight, but despite that, there was still some light.

“My brain says it is. But I don’t trust my brain much these days.”

“What does your heart say?” He thought of Daehyun. Of how naive he’d been.

“I can’t trust that anymore either.” He felt Jimin’s hand fall on his chest.

“Well, it’s beating like normal. And if it’s still doing its job, I trust it. You should too.” Jimin smiled. Jungkook felt like crying.

“I’ll try.” He promised. Jimin nodded and pulled his hand away.

“Good. Now go to sleep, dummy. I’m tired as shit.” Jungkook laughed softly.

“Okay.” He shifted, snuggling deep into the blankets, “Thanks, Jimin. I love you.”

“Yeah,” Jimin mumbled, “Love you too, dork.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shocked myself with how fast I wrote this one. Like damn, when I got the inspiration it only took me around an hour. I'm hoping I can keep this momentum up for august too.  
> Also this might just be the bottom in me, but jk do be kinda hot when he confronts jiho tho... lmao  
> Anyway, I hope you're having a lovely summer and as always, stay safe out there.


	10. Sophomore year: day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is full of ups and downs. Jungkook's is no exception.

That next morning Jungkook woke up too early again. He wondered why his body wouldn’t let him sleep when the chronic exhaustion was so difficult to live with.

Just like before, Jungkook found himself alone in the kitchen with Mr. Park.

“I made an enemy.” He announced as he accepted the unprompted coffee with cold hands. Mr. Park’s eyes brightened with curiosity.

“Oh? I know I usually have coffee, but this morning it seems you’re serving tea.” Jungkook choked on his coffee.

“Mr. Park, what the hell?” He struggled out through laughter.

“Jimin taught me some slang. Did I use it right?” Mr. Park looked so endearingly hopeful, Jungkook could only smile fondly and nod.

“You did great.”

“Now come on, tell me about your enemy.”

“Well, his name’s Jiho-” Jungkook began.

“I already hate him.” Mr. Park grumbled, making Jungkook laugh again.

“I haven’t even said why we’re enemies.”

“The name’s enough. I knew a Jiho once. Real ass.”

“This one’s an ass too. Anyway, I met him at the internship. We got stuck in filing together and long story short, he thinks I’m a lazy, privileged rich kid who bought his way into the job. So now he’s harassing me. And yesterday I kind of snapped and he told me to quit and I told him fuck no and that I’d win whatever game we were playing. And now we’re enemies.” Jungkook summarized vaguely as he watched the coffee swirl in his cup.

“Excellent!” He whipped his head up in surprise to see Mr. Park’s thrilled gin.

“Huh?”

“This is just the kind of dramatic battle you need to boost your confidence.”

“I’m confident.” Jungkook mumbled, face flushing.

“Sure, sure. So how are you going to beat him?” Mr. Park asked. Jungkook stared blankly. He… didn’t think about that. He told Mr. Park as much.

“Well, he wants you to quit, right?”

“Right.”

“Then do the opposite.” Jungkook didn’t get it.

“So I should…?”

“Be a model employee. Better than Jiho could ever dream to be.” It was actually kind of a good idea. Obviously it required Jungkook to put effort into a job he hated, but he’d do anything to shut Jiho up.

“That could work.”

“You could also punch him, but dear Mrs. Park wouldn’t advocate for violence.” Jungkook giggled as Mr. Park looked around for any eavesdroppers nervously.

“I’ll pick the non-violent route. For Mrs. Park, of course.”

“Of course.” Jungkook stretched, and stood up, grabbing his mug to go.

“Oh, and Jungkook?” Mr. Park called out as Jungkook started toward the stairs to get ready for the day.

“Yeah?”

“Good luck.”

On their way inside school that morning, Jimin and Jungkook spotted Hoseok leaving his car. Jungkook was fully prepared to just wave and wait for him to come to them, but Jimin seemed to have other plans. His eyes narrowed like a hawk watching a field mouse, and his tired smile dropped.

“Jung Hoseok!” Jimin yelled, drawing the attention of not only Hoseok, but the entire parking lot. Hobi whipped his head toward them, eyes filling with fear upon seeing Jimin’s expression.

“You  _ will _ hang out with us this morning. Or there  _ will _ be consequences.” He ordered. Hoseok looked around nervously and power walked over, head held low.

“Stop yelling, Jimin.” He muttered.

“Hang out with us.” Jimin repeated.

“I’ll see you guys at lunch, what’s the big deal?”

“Tae’s upset. He thinks you’re mad at us.” Jungkook cringed. Maybe he shouldn’t have put that idea out there.

“Mad? Why would he think that?” Hoseok’s eyebrows furrowed. Jimin’s gaze moved to Jungkook for just a moment, but that was all the confirmation he seemed to need.

“Really?” Hoseok huffed, “I get you can’t help it, but do you really have to make them freak out too?” Jungkook flinched. What the hell was wrong with him? First his parents, now his friends. Was there anyone he wasn’t burdening with his stupid brain?

“ _ Hoseok _ .” Jimin gasped, face twisting in shock.

“No, he’s right. I should’ve just shut up, right?” Jungkook spat, digging his nail into the paper cut on his thumb.

“Jungkook, wait. That’s not what I meant. I’m just-” Hoseok stammered, but he just shook his head.

“Whatever. I’ll go. Don’t want to  _ freak you out _ .” With that Jungkook was off, leaving his friends to argue behind him.

He always wondered if his friends secretly resented him, and now he knew he was right. Hoseok had clearly been holding that in for a while. That was always the issue with bottling things up. At some point, you run out of room.

Lunch was painful. Jungkook couldn’t even look at Hoseok, much less talk to him. Everyone seemed to think he was mad at him, but really, Jungkook was just mad at himself for thinking he could trust Hoseok. That Hoseok was even a real friend to begin with.

It was as simple as that for the doubt to take root in Jungkook’s mind. He didn’t say a word all of lunch and barely touched his cafeteria mush. His leg bounced uncontrollably under the table. He wondered if it was annoying everyone else. It probably was.

Taehyung looked kind of annoyed. But maybe that was because Jungkook was literally sleeping with his boyfriend every night. Of course, Taehyung always said he wasn’t jealous and often hung out with them as a trio, but some part of him had to want to just be alone with Jimin, without Jungkook moping in the corner at all hours of the day.

If he really thought about it, Jimin was probably fed up with him too. Afterall, Jungkook had essentially moved himself into his room. He’d been borrowing his clothes and eating his food. Taking the attention of his parents. Inserting himself into a life that wasn’t his. Jimin never asked for that burden.

Then there was Namjoon, who held one of the biggest burdens of all. And Jungkook didn’t even have the bravery to apologize for forcing it upon him.

The bell rang, but Jungkook remained trapped in his head, his body moving on autopilot to clear his tray and go to class.

Jungkook took his seat in sociology, still feeling off. He knew he had to pull himself together a bit though. It wasn’t like he could act so childish around strangers.

“You okay?” Yoongi asked as he set his bag down next to his chair. Jungkook looked up quickly, and could only stare for a moment.  _ Yoongi deserves Hoseok. He needs a friend. You already have friends. _ But did he? Because clearly they all disliked him. And Hoseok seemed to really like Yoongi. So what if he decided to cut his losses and just replace him?

But Hoseok wouldn’t leave. Jungkook had been so sure of that. He’d thought he’d understood why Hobi was spending his mornings with Yoongi, though now he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi looked a little worried now.  _ Shit, act normal. _

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He laughed nervously.

“Stuck in your own head again?” Jungkook nodded, “That thing’s like your own worst enemy.” Yoongi was clearly joking, but…

“You have no idea.”

Class began swiftly with Mr. Ko asking questions about the video they had watched the day before. It was a shame Jungkook’s head was so out of wack because from what he picked up on, it was an interesting conversation.

“Yoongi, what do you think is more important in society? Nature or nurture?” Jungkook watched with curiosity as Yoongi pondered the question for a moment.

“I mean, nurture is what makes you  _ you _ , so that should be more important. But so often our genetics and our blood relations affect how we live, so it’s not like that’s meaningless, or even second to nurture when it comes to society. So it’s hard to say. I mean, how can you define the values of the entire world’s society in an either or question?”

“Excellent point. Mingyu, you know I’ve got to pick on you. What do you think?” Mr. Ko beamed.

“Ah, come on! How am I supposed to follow that? I guess I think…” Jungkook stopped listening and instead let himself be in awe of Yoongi. He was smart. Like smarter and more thoughtful than Jungkook’s initial idea.

When the bell rang, Jungkook was ready to bolt to the art room, his sanctuary. The thought of just getting to listen to music and draw for a glorious 55 minutes gave him more energy than Mr. Park’s magical coffee. But before he could dash away, Yoongi caught his arm.

“Hey, um, I know I asked earlier, but, um, you’re okay? I mean- Are you okay?” He asked, looking… flustered?

“I just had a rough morning I guess.” Jungkook shrugged, looking away.

“Well, then… I hope your day gets better. I’ll see you around.” Yoongi smiled, leaving the room and leaving behind a very flushed, very emotionally confused Jungkook. With a sigh, Jungkook took to the halls.

The end of the school day was infinitely more manageable than the beginning. Jungkook felt a little more like a human being and less like a hideous blob of wasted space.

“You won’t believe how many dirty looks Areum gave me today. You’d think I killed her dog, not just insulted her-” Jungkook began as he approached the back of someone he assumed was Jimin. As he was sitting in the spot Jungkook always met Jimin at the end of the day. But when the person turned around, it was not, in fact, Jimin.

“You’re not Jimin.” He pointed out, his mood once again crushed. Hoseok’s frown deepened.

“Can we just talk? Please?” He begged, grabbing Jungkook’s hand lightly.

“... Fine.” Jungkook let Hoseok pull him to a patch of grass by the side door the music kids always used. They sat there for a moment without speaking.

“I’m sorry. For what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it.” Hoseok said. Jungkook bit his lip and pulled at the grass by his feet.

“I think… you wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t a little bit true.” Hoseok inhaled sharply.

“No, I-”

“I know I’m not an easy person to be friends with. I come with a lot of baggage. And I know it’s not fun for you guys to deal with. As much as I try to not burden you with my problems, sometimes I forget to keep stuff like that to myself. So I’m not mad that you said that. Or even that you think that. Because I get why you do.” Jungkook finished, giving the grass an extra hard tug. Hoseok was silent for a moment.

“You dumbass.” He cursed, but his voice was thick with emotion. Jungkook looked at Hoseok in surprise, and was further surprised to see his eyes were watery.

“Hobi-”

“You’re a hard person to be friends with, but not because of that shit. It’s because you won’t open up to us. And it’s hard when we can see that you’re hurting and sad, but you won’t tell us  _ why _ . And you won’t let us help you. It’s hard to see you suffer so much when we can’t do shit for you. We can’t make your parents better and we can’t get rid of the poison in your brain. All we can do is be here for you. That’s all. And it’s not even enough.” The tears trapped in Hoseok’s glassy eyes finally fell. And with that, Jungkook’s own tears started to fall too.

“My problems aren’t yours. I don’t want you to have to deal with them.” Jungkook’s voice was shaky and quiet.

“You deal with my drama don’t you? Remember when Minjun cheated on me? You were there for me. You listened to me rant and cry and bought me ice cream even though you hate it now- which we should talk about at some point, but that aside, you listen and help me. Let us do the same for you.” Hoseok squeezed Jungkook’s hand tight. It felt so warm in Jungkook’s chronically cold hands.

“I don’t know if I can do it right away. But I’ll try.” Jungkook promised. He was then pulled into a firm hug.

“That’s all I need.” When Hoseok pulled away Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh wetly.

“You look like a mess.” Hoseok started to laugh too.

“Get a mirror, dude, you look worse.”

“I doubt that. You look like you just watched Marley and Me.” Hoseok’s eyes immediately began to tear up again.

“Fuck you for reminding me of that movie.” He looked up to the sky and fanned his face in a vain attempt to stop the incoming tears, “God, emotions are the worst.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Jungkook nodded. Briefly, the two of them made eye contact. That was enough to send them into another fit of laughter.

“Oh, good you two made up.” Jungkook turned, still giggling, to see Jimin approaching, looking more than a little tousled.

“And you made out. With Taehyung I mean.” He teased, laughing harder as Jimin’s face reddened.

“Shut it, loser. Now come on, if you want to get to your internship early today you’ve got to get ready, like, now.” Jimin said, glancing at his watch. Jungkook pushed himself off and brushed the grass off of his jeans.

“Why do you need to be early?” Hobi asked, pushing himself up as well.

“You’d know if you were with us in the morning.” Jimin glared.

“I told you, I’ve been with the new kid. He needs me. He needs  _ friends _ .” Jungkook smiled at the ground.

“Yeah. He does.” He mumbled.

“Huh?” Both of them gave Jungkook strange looks. Blinking quickly, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“I need to be there early to win a challenge from my enemy.” He explained, brushing over his lapse in self control.

“That didn’t clear anything up.” Hoseok shook his head.

“You’d  _ know _ if you were  _ there _ .” Jimin repeated.

“I’m helping the new kid, god, fuck  _ off _ , Jimin!” Hoseok exclaimed, exasperated.

“We’ve got to go. Bye, Hobi, love you!” Jungkook pulled Jimin away by his shirt sleeve.

“Fuck you, Jung Hoseok!” Jimin shouted.

“Love you too, Kook. Jimin, I hope you choke on Tae’s dick.” Hobi replied through laughter.

“I already did!” Jimin countered in a sing song tone.

“Gross. You two are the worst.” Jungkook groaned, giving Jimin one last pull to make him walk by his side like normal.

“And what on earth would you do without us?” Jimin asked, wrapping an arm around Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook smiled.

“Die, probably.”

“That’s right, you need us, bro. That’s kinda gay.” Jungkook laughed and pushed Jimin to the side.

“Fuck you.”

“That’s gayer.”

“Jimin!”

“Yeah?”

“You can’t call me gay right after you and Tae made out for like twenty minutes.”

“We said no homo first, I’m all clear.”

“Jimin.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a dork.”

“That’s my line, dork.”

“Sorry… dork.”

Jungkook was already well into filing when Jiho entered. The look of sheer shock on his face made his day. Still, he managed to hold back the smug grin threatening to come out.

“You’re late.” He commented, casually sorting through papers. Jiho looked quickly at his watch.

“By  _ one  _ minute.” Jiho snapped. Jungkook sighed, and looked over at Jiho with his best disappointed but not surprised face.

“You could have done a lot in that minute. I’ve already gone through a whole stack. And where were you? Chatting up that girl who does the coffee runs again?” Jiho blanched.  _ Oh how the tables have turned. _

“You- I- What the hell are you playing at, Jeon?” Jungkook set the paper in his hands down and crossed his arms.

“I’m doing what I said I’d do.” He didn’t hold back his smirk this time, “I’m winning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on FIRE with these updates y'all. It's sort of unreal for me I'm never this productive.  
> In other news my college just said I have to be online first semester so that fucking sucks :))) but ig that means I'll have more time to write this shit lmao  
> Thank you again for your comments and kudos. My heart does a little uwu every time I read your comments hehe  
> We also hit 1000 hits on this and it made me so proud :3  
> I love you guys sm and as always, stay safe out there.


	11. Sophomore year: weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook fights back.

Jungkook woke up blissfully late on Saturday, in fact, so late Jimin was already gone. Flopping his arm to the spot Jimin had been sleeping and feeling it was still fairly warm, Jungkook guessed he hadn’t left very long ago.

Staring up at the ceiling he took inventory of his emotions. He felt… strange. Not necessarily great or happy, but he never felt great or happy. He felt aware, and that was something good. Good enough, at least.

Jungkook wondered what he should do for the day. There was always homework to be done, projects to finish. But he didn’t want to do those. The bone deep exhaustion that only seemed to hit when he had to do schoolwork simply wouldn’t allow him to do it.

Luckily, Jimin entered the room at that moment, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. Jimin was the morning shower type.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty. How you feeling?” Jimin plopped onto the bed, easy smile on his face. Jungkook sighed in thought. He didn’t know how to verbalize this feeling of Nothing but somehow Everything.

Jimin frowned, reading Jungkook’s entire mood from one dramatic breath.

“Bad? You want me to stay? I can call Tae and cancel.” Jungkook sat up immediately, eyebrows furrowed.

“Don’t you dare.” He threatened. Jimin bit his lip, still looking far too unsure for Jungkook’s liking.

“Jiminie, you can’t…” Jungkook sighed again, looking down at his hands. The skin around his thumb was red and bitten and ugly. “You can’t keep ditching Tae just because I’m dramatic.”

“You’re not dramatic.” Jungkook raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not.” Jimin repeated.

“You need to spend time with Tae. Alone. Neither of you will ever say it, but I know a lot of the time you’d rather just be alone together.” Jimin didn’t respond, just stared at Jungkook with that same pinched expression. Groaning, Jungkook continued, “Jimin, go on your date. If you don’t I’ll be pissed and ignore you all day.”

“Fine. Just- promise you’ll call if you feel really bad?” Jimin’s eyes looked so wide and innocent it made Jungkook laugh.

“I promise. Now go get ready. Taehyung won’t like you all damp and undressed.” Jimin smirked.

“That sounds exactly like what Taehyung likes.” He countered. Flushing, Jungkook smacked Jimin with a pillow.

“Get dressed, nasty.”

“Fine, fine, I’m going.” Jimin said, laughing as he stumbled out of bed and toward his closet.

Jungkook didn’t have to fester in FOMO for long before his phone buzzed on the nightstand. There were two texts. One from his mother, arrived a few hours earlier and one from- oh. Well, that settled his plans for the day.

Omelas, the cafe Jungkook’s friend group had adopted as their meetup location (only when Jimin’s house was unavailable), was already buzzing with life when he arrived. There was a pep in his step that hadn’t been there since… well since before summer.  _ Summer. _ The pep dimmed with the weight of that word.  _ Don’t think about it, idiot. Just pretend it didn’t happen. _ Right, of course.

Shaking his head loose of those thoughts, Jungkook looked around the cafe to see if he was the first to arrive. And it seemed the answer was-

“Jungkookie!” An arm was flung around Jungkook’s neck, almost knocking him to the floor. Jungkook flushed from the stares of annoyed cafe goers. He spun around, shaking the arm loose and smacking his attacker in the chest.

“Ow, what the hell. I haven’t seen you in two weeks and this is how you greet me?” Jin whined, rubbing his chest. Jungkook scoffed.

“You started it by embarrassing me.” Jin suddenly paused, eyes narrowing as he scanned Jungkook up and down like some kind of robot.

“What?” Jungkook asked, face twisting with anxiety. Jin hummed, tilting his head.

“You’ve been staying with Jimin haven’t you?” Jungkook could only blink in amazement.

“How… you… I mean, um, I only stayed the night.” He lied.

“No. You’re wearing his jeans. They’re too short for you. You wouldn’t do that if you had only stayed the night. Plus you’ve gained weight.” Jungkook flushed again, “Hey, don’t get mad, that’s a good thing. I know you, kid, you only remember to eat if someone tells you to.” 

“Cool observations, Sherlock, but I only stayed the night.” Jungkook insisted, looking pointedly away. Jin’s windshield wiper laugh made him turn his gaze back.

“You look so cute when you’re annoyed. I’ll let the lie slide, just his once. Let’s order, we’re blocking the door.”

Jin got an iced americano, something he never used to drink before ( _ it’s a college thing, everyone drinks iced americanos _ ) and Jungkook got his usual bomb of sugar and caramel and whipped topping that his friends always teased him over. Jin paid because “big brothers always pay, even when big brothers are broke uni students.”

Finally, the two were comfortably seated in a corner table with a large window facing the street. They were quiet for a moment as they sipped their drinks. It felt weird. Jin never let there be silence.

“How’s college?” Jungkook asked, playing with the straw of his frappuccino.

“It’s awesome. The theatre program is really pushing me. It’s actually a bit harder than I thought, but I guess that’s just how college goes.” Jin answered, but the smile on his face wasn’t as convincing as his should be. Jungkook didn’t press it. He had secrets too.

“Namjoon came to visit last weekend, right?” Jin nodded.

“Yep. I sort of bragged to all my friends about how smart he is and when he showed up they all begged him to tutor them. As if classes have even really gotten hard yet…”

“Maybe they wanted his number cause they were into him.” Jungkook teased.

“Don’t say nonsense like that. If any of them come for my man it’s the hot pink mace I ordered on amazon for them.” Giggling, Jungkook asked if the mace was real or not, in response to which Jin pulled out a very real, very pink mace from his pocket.

“Why’d you bring that with you? I’m not very threatening.”

“What if you had beefed up in the two weeks I was gone? How would I be able to take you then?” Jin asked in fear, his acting skills put into full use.

“Well, according to you I don’t eat enough to beef up so…”

“I’m not taking that back. When you go home, if you go home, you still have to eat regularly.” Jungkook frowned.

“I just stayed the night. Of course I’m going home.” But now that Jin had said that…  _ could _ he go home? Jungkook’s mind flashed back to that morning. Two texts on his phone. One from Jin and one from…

_ Mother: Call us at four o'clock today. We need to talk. _

“Okay, okay. I won’t make you talk about it. But if there’s something you  _ want _ to talk about, I’m here.” Jin’s voice brought Jungkook out of his head. This one sided onslaught of support was unfair. He had to counter it.

“Actually I do want to talk about something.” He announced. The look of surprise on Jin’s face was cartoonish. Was Jungkook really that secretive? He did tend to internalize a lot...

“I want to talk about you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. How’s college?” Jin’s expression morphed into confusion.

“I already told you-”

“How’s college  _ really _ ?” Jungkook corrected. Jin’s expression fell. He stared down at his drink with such a serious look, Jungkook almost couldn’t recognize him.

“I really hate iced americanos.” Jungkook blinked.

“What?”

“They’re awful. And I can never add sugar or anything to help the taste. But I always order them now anyway. Because that’s what college kids drink.” Jin smiled, bitter and frustrated. “I really wish I could order a latte. But I guess I’m just afraid to stand out.”

Jungkook didn’t know what to say. All he could do was stare in sorrow as his friend- his older brother- spoke.

“I was the best actor in our theatre program in high school. But in college everyone was the best actor in their theatre programs. Everyone did local theatre, everyone was in a short film, everyone is ridiculously talented, everyone is a triple threat. And I… I guess I just realized that I’m not really all that special or talented. This world is full of so many people and I’m just like everyone else. So I’ve stopped trying to stand out. My essays are mediocre, my test scores are mediocre, my monologues are mediocre. I’m just average. Just… just average.” Jin finished, looking up with glassy eyes that widened in surprise when he looked at Jungkook.

“You’re crying.” Jin muttered. Jungkook scrubbed at his face and sniffled.

“And you’re stupid.”

“Hey-”

“Why the hell do you care about everyone else all of a sudden? You got into that program too, Jin. All of you worked hard to get in. And the only way you’ll succeed from here if you keep working hard. So why are you giving up on your future?” Jungkook felt angry. Angry that the man claiming to be his confident and cool older brother had let himself fall apart so easily.

“You’re Kim Seok-fucking-Jin, stop giving in and be yourself already.” Jin laughed, it was kind of watery and kind of sad, but it was completely real.

“If you’re going to tell me I look cute when I’m mad again, I’ll kick your ass.”

“No swearing until you’re an adult.” Jin scolded.

“You swore before you were an adult.” Jungkook countered.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah I do. I met you before you turned 18.”

“Fuck, you’re right.”

“Fuck yeah I am.”

“No swearing!”

“Hypocrite.”

“Brat.”

…

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you. Really.”

“Oh, um, you’re welcome.”

“I’m gonna go order a drink that doesn’t taste like bitter shit. No more iced americanos for me. Ever again.”

Jungkook walked his bike to Jimin’s house, needing the extra time to think about what he would do. _When you go home, if you go home…_ _Call us at four o’clock_. 

In a situation involving fight or flight, Jungkook always chose flight, always. Except…except he had fought against Jiho hadn’t he? And he had fought against Jin in the cafe. He could’ve quit the internship, could’ve accepted Jin’s facade of happiness. But he hadn’t. Maybe it was time for him to go home. To face his parents, wear jeans that covered his ankles.

_ Call at four o’clock _ . It was three forty-five. Jungkook looked up at the sky. It was a bright blue, but there were still clouds everywhere.  _ What’ll it be? Run or fight? _

“Hey, mom.” Jungkook’s hand shook, his phone shaking along with it.

“Jungkook, I want to begin by saying that running away was unacceptable and childish. You didn’t call to say where you were, you didn’t call to say when you would return, honestly, the only mature thing you did was go to your internship.” Jungkook bite his tongue. He had a lot he could say to that. But would it make things worse or better?  _ Run or fight, now’s the time to decide. _ Fuck it. He’d fight.

“You didn’t call to ask where I was. I could’ve been dead and neither of you even sent a text.” Jungkook’s heart was racing, his hand somehow shaking even more.

“Jungkook, now is not the time to be picking a fight.” Now it was his father’s voice on the phone, “We called to discuss you coming home, but if you keep up this bratty attitude you might not be welcome.”  _ As if they’d be welcoming to begin with. _ He gripped the phone tighter.

“Did you not worry at all about me?” He was sure they could hear how loud his heart was pounding.

“This isn’t about that.”  _ So they weren’t then.  _ “This is about you behaving like a spoiled brat.” Scrunching his eyes shut, Jungkook tried to get a grip on his own breathing.

“You hit me.” He choked out, “Am I a spoiled brat for not wanting to be hit?”

There was a long pause.

“I’ll admit that hitting you was rather drastic, but you weren’t hearing sense.”  _ That’s not even an apology _ .

“You were trying to sell me off for your own gain. I didn’t want to. So I said no. And then  _ you _ wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Jungkook, will you stop with all these accusations?” His mother’s voice returned, a little more shrill than before, “We’re not perfect parents, but we’re doing the best we can with a child like you.” He flinched.

“A child like me?”

There was another long pause.

“We only want the best for you. We’ve only ever given you the best.” Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh.

“The best what? You don’t even speak to me most days and if you do it’s just to ask about school.”

“What do you want us to say to that? Should we apologize for caring about your future?” His mother hissed.

“But you don’t care about  _ me _ . Jimin’s parents-”

“Don’t compare us to those hippies. They’re poor for a reason, Jungkook.” Fury burned in his chest.

“How dare you talk shit about them when they’re the ones who raised me. They did your job for you and you have the audacity to disrespect them?” Jungkook’s voice echoed in the empty ally.

“Watch your mouth or-” His father began, but the anger inside Jungkook didn’t really give a shit.

“Or you’ll hit me over the phone? You didn’t even have the guts to do this in person, remember?” Jungkook took a deep breath, “I’ll come home, but only to grab some clothes. Then I’m going back to the Parks.”

“You little shit, you think you have the right to take those clothes? We paid for those. We paid for everything you own.” Gut twisting, Jungkook tried to breathe through the sudden sense of nausea.

“People might be concerned if they realize none of my clothes fit me right. They might start thinking I’m being neglected. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” If his parents cared about anything, it was their reputation.

“Fine. Fine, you win. Spoiled piece of shit.” With that final curse, the call ended. Jungkook gasped for air, sinking to the ground. His whole body was trembling. He felt like he was dying. But still, there was just one thought bouncing around his head. 

_ You win. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me August 1st: Yay! Let's keep up the momentum! Consistent and frequent uploads!  
> Me the second college started: what the f u c k
> 
> I feel real bad about literally leaving y'all dry for like almost two months. It started with me just struggling to write this chapter and then college started and my mental health said 💖fuck you idiot🥰
> 
> Anyway, I'm back, I'm better, and I don't know when the next chapter will come out lmao. For now, I guess just enjoy this one.
> 
> On a side note, I have another fic in the works, this one's an apocalypse AU, but that one won't come out for awhile I don't think (we'll see lol)
> 
> As always I appreciate your comments, kudos, and overall support. I love you guys, stay safe out there ❤️


	12. Sophomore year: week 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook sees another side of the enigma.

Jeon Jungkook was a lot of things. He was a good student (when he tried), a bad son (or so his parents claimed), a complete coward (though he was trying to be braver). But most importantly, Jeon Jungkook was fine.

It had been almost a full week since Jungkook had spoken to his parents. Stopping by his house to gather his clothes (and sneak some of the expensive art supplies they had bought him into his bag) had been painfully awkward. His parents had watched him leaving like wild cats in a cage. Wanting to pounce and rip him to shreds, but knowing there were bars in the way.

Jimin had asked if Jungkook was okay. He said he was fine. Because he was. His puffy eyes, red, runny nose, and still shaking hands meant nothing. He was fine. Fine so long as he kept saying it.

Jungkook didn’t tell anyone, but leaving his house with his stuffed duffle bag heavy on his shoulder felt a lot more like a permanent goodbye than he was prepared to deal with.

It had been a full week, but Jungkook could only remember bits and pieces of it. He had done well on a small art project, Ms. Kang had shown it to the whole class, a proud smile on her round face.

He and Yoongi had bought cars and an apartment in sociology. Yoongi wanted to buy Jungkook a Tesla, but, red faced and stuttering, Jungkook had insisted he not.

He had failed a math test he wouldn’t be able to make up. His teacher made him stay behind to ask why he did so poorly. Jungkook didn’t have an answer. Not one he could say without contradicting his new mindset of Fine.

He and Jiho finally finished their work in that cursed filing room and received new assignments. To both of their annoyance, they still had to work together. This time they were pretty much errand boys for the accounting department. Jiho seemed at least a little more satisfied with this as he was now getting to speak to people who weren’t Jungkook.

It was on Saturday night when Jimin was out with Taehyung that it struck Jungkook how very not Fine he was.

The whole week he’d felt tense, like his insides were coiling tighter and tighter with every breath. But now, after an entire week of choking down all of his negative emotions, he was cracking.

The logical thing to do was to call Jimin and tell him to “please come home because I’m literally having a panic attack.” But Jungkook was not known for being logical.

And so that was how Jungkook found himself entering the 24 hour convenience store a few blocks away from the Parks’ house. He let the chilled air wash over him as he stepped inside, not sparing a glance to the cashier as he made his way to where the instant ramen was sitting. He grabbed his favorite and still staring dejectedly down, set it on the counter for the cashier to scan.

“Jungkook?” The cashier asked, hesitantly. Jungkook’s eyes widened when he recognized the voice.  _ Oh shit. _ He whipped his head up, feeling equal parts flustered and embarrassed.

“Yoongi. Um, hey.”

“I’m glad it’s you. I mean- I’m glad I didn’t just call some random guy Jungkook.” Yoongi laughed awkwardly as he typed on the cash register.

“Yeah. That would’ve been… yeah.” Jungkook wanted to slam his face into the wall.

“You want me to heat this up for you?” Yoongi held up the ramen and raised an eyebrow in question. He looked like a model in a commercial.

“Yes, please.” Yoongi nodded and headed to the backroom. Jungkook wondered if he should stand around and wait for him to come back. Usually, he just sat at one of the little tables by the windows and scrolled on his phone.

Deciding it was probably weird of him to just stand there, Jungkook took a seat and pulled his sketchbook out of the backpack he had brought with him. Jungkook had been drawing a lot lately. Something about it soothed him.

Perhaps it was the sound of graphite, gliding lightly across a blank page. The often messy lines slowly making their way together, intertwining like yarn to form something bigger than themselves. Something perhaps a bit lovely. Or perhaps it was the way his mind drifted, floating away, away, away. To the tops of clouds he would look down on in an airplane. Soft and free from all of his worries.

Though perhaps it was none of that. Perhaps it was just because he was good at it.

“Ramen.” Yoongi’s voice called out, barely a few feet away. Jungkook looked up from his drawing, then suddenly back down.  _ Shit _ .

“Um, sorry if I interrupted you.” Yoongi cringed, slowly, he moved closer to Jungkook, “I’ll just set this down for-” Yoongi froze, Jungkook froze, in fact, time itself seemed to freeze. Jungkook wanted to pitch himself off a bridge.

“Is that… me?”  _ Shit. Again. _ Jungkook’s face literally couldn’t get more red.

“It’s- um- I promise I wasn’t trying to be creepy, but, um, I started it in sociology a couple days ago when we watched that movie on retirement mentality and when I saw you here I just remembered it and I wanted to finish. I’m sorry. This is weird. I’m sorry.” Jungkook rambled, staring in horror at Yoongi’s pencil drawn face.

“It’s okay. I was just surprised.” Yoongi paused. “It’s really good. I didn’t know you were, like, an artist.” It occurred to Jungkook that Yoongi did not think he was a stalker and there was possibly a slight chance he was actually maybe sort of impressed.

“Um, I guess. It’s more for fun than anything.” Jungkook still refused to look up. There was a soft tapping sound as Yoongi set the ramen down.

“Would you mind if I sat with you? My shift ends in like an hour, but no one really comes in this late.” Yoongi asked, as if Jungkook had the guts to say no even if he wanted to.

“Go for it.” The chair across from Jungkook creaked as Yoongi took a seat. There was a slight moment of tension before Yoongi spoke again.

“You should eat. Before it gets cold. Unless, um, you don’t want to.” Jungkook briefly looked up, surprised to see Yoongi’s face was almost as flushed as his own. He quickly grabbed the ramen and chopsticks and began to eat, making as little noise as possible.

The silence was painful.

“So, you live around here?” Yoongi asked. The convenience store was a lot closer to the Parks than it was to his own house.

“No.” Jungkook answered before thinking.

“Oh.”

“No, I mean- I- it’s complicated.” Jungkook stirred his noodles, the silence becoming awkward once more. It felt rude being so cold around Yoongi. Even if he couldn’t really help it.

“So… you work here?” Jungkook asked then immediately wanted to slap himself. Of fucking course Yoongi worked there. He literally made Jungkook’s ramen.

“No.” What.

“Huh?”

“I mean…” Yoongi laughed, a little breathy, “It’s complicated.” Jungkook looked up at him, taking in his soft, bitter smile. Jungkook found himself smiling a little too.

“I guess we’re both pretty complicated then.”

“I guess so.” There was another pause, but it felt a little more settled. A little less like a burning house and a little more like a starry night.

“I really like your drawing.”

“Oh, thanks.” Jungkook glanced at his sketchbook laying on the table, Yoongi’s slightly amused expression living in graphite on the page.

“But you have a lot of white space still. You should add yourself in it. It could be like… like our family photo.” His heart picked up speed. He laughed awkwardly.

“Ah, really? Do people even do that kind of thing still?” He couldn’t imagine taking pictures with his parents like that. With all three of them smiling like they were happy, like they were a family.

“Of course. It’s easier now, with phones and all that.” Jungkook nodded.

“Do you take family photos often?”

“Not really. You?”

“Sometimes. But not because any of us want to.” Yoongi’s head tilted in curiosity, making him look more like a kitten than Jungkook’s heart was prepared to handle.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” Jungkook smiled. He felt his walls coming undone like loose knots.

“My parents- they work a lot. But their public appearance is more important than anything else. So like once every couple years we all have to get super dressed up and go to a professional photographer and… it’s a whole ordeal. I don’t think we’ve ever taken a casual picture together. Even in my baby pictures I’m wearing a tie.” Yoongi laughed at that last part.

“And I’m sure you looked adorable.” His smile faded a bit, “Sucks that your parents are like that though.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook sighed, “Sucks.”

“Well, I promised I’d tell you mine, so… I guess my family was okay when I was younger. Like my parents were nice and they raised me well. But my dad, he’s got a gambling problem. Blew all our money. Long story short, mom and I dipped, came here to live with her sister and now I have to cover Minjun’s shifts when he’s hungover.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, family, right?” Yoongi and Jungkook made eye contact and that was it. The two burst out laughing. They couldn’t seem to stop. It was like all the tension and awkwardness building and building this whole time was exploding everywhere in a gory mess of giggles and snorts (because yes, Yoongi snorted and it was cutest shit in the entire world).

Jungkook ended up staying the rest of Yoongi’s shift.

He worked on the sketch, finishing Yoongi and starting on himself. The only space big enough to fit a whole other person was behind Yoongi’s head. Jungkook thought it would look weird, but Yoongi said that they could just be back hugging in the drawing. Jungkook definitely did not have a heart attack when he said that.

Jungkook and Yoongi parted outside the convenience store. The neon fluorescent lights lit up Yoongi’s face in such a way that Jungkook couldn’t decide if he wanted to immediately paint him or make out with him.

On the walk back to the Parks Jungkook wondered when his feelings had grown so much stronger. He knew he fell hard, but still. After Daehyun he thought his heart would’ve grown a little stronger. Built its walls a little higher. But apparently all it took was a cat eyed enigma constantly calling himself Jungkook’s husband to break down every barrier left.

And when he thought about it more, Jungkook couldn’t find himself minding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook: he probably thinks im weird 😔  
> Yoongi: you're my h u s b a n d now 👁👄👁
> 
> This chapter made me so happy to write. I love sugakookie so muchhhhhh  
> I'm like dying to write more of them just being sweethearts to each other. Wish I could time jump to when they're together already but ik the build-up will make it all a little sweeter in the end
> 
> I know its silly to care about the numbers but it's just like nice to see people enjoy what I write so thank y'all for the hits and kudos and comments and such
> 
> Anyway, I love you all dearly and as always, stay safe out there 💖


	13. Sophomore year: week 3 pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What goes up must come down.

Jungkook got to sociology early that Monday. His knee bounced under the table as he stared intently at the drawing in his lap. He had spent most of Sunday finishing the drawing, ignoring the ever growing army of school work glaring at him from inside his backpack.

When Yoongi entered, Jungkook felt a sudden urge to rip the picture to pieces and pretend he didn’t exist. But Jungkook reminded himself that Yoongi was cool. Yoongi was possibly a bit impressed. And Jungkook was desperate to impress him.

“Hey, Jungkook.” Yoongi greeted him, sliding into his seat.

“Hey.” Jungkook said back. He hesitated for a moment, then, before he could change his mind, dropped his sketchbook onto the table. “I finished it. The, um, drawing. Thought you might want to see it.”

Yoongi blinked, taken aback. But just as quick as his shock had appeared, a heart attack inducing smile took its place.

“You seriously drew this?” He pulled the sketchbook closer, looking over it like it was some kind of masterpiece. Jungkook flushed.

“It’s- um, yeah. I’m not great at self portraits, so…” Yoongi nodded.

“Yeah.” Damn, Yoongi wasn’t even going to pretend he was good? That… hurt a bit.

“I mean, it’s almost you. But the smile is wrong. You smile like a bunny. Other than that, it could be a photograph.” So Yoongi was teasing him then.

“I don’t look like a bunny.” Jungkook muttered.

“You’re the only person who can’t see you. So you’re the only person who doesn’t get a say in what animal you look like.” Jungkook tilted his head in thought.

“Then you can’t protest when I say you look like a kitten.” Of all the things to seemingly break Min Yoongi, Jungkook did not expect one of them to be being called a kitten.

“That’s not- you- fine. I won’t argue because I’m no hypocrite. Even though you’re wrong. But, again, I’m no hypocrite.” Jungkook laughed at the pink hue staining Yoongi’s flustered face.

It was at that moment another student, Cho Eun, came up to their table.

“Yoongi, I had a question about-” Eun’s eyes fell to the drawing, and a small smile grew on her face, “Oh my god that’s so cute. Did one of you draw that? Are you guys like actually dating?” 

Jungkook couldn’t explain what went through his head in that moment. If you put a gun to his head and forced to him to answer, however, he might describe it as flashes of moments. Ga-Yeon and Eunji, soft blue nails, kissing in the lake, shouting mothers, violent fathers, manipulative words, hands all over his body.

Whatever it was, it made those words leave his mouth. 

“What the hell? No, I’m not gay.” It came out like a curse. And after he said it, Jungkook wanted to curse himself. Eun’s smile fell.

“Sorry, I was just curious.” She mumbled, “I’ll talk to you after class, Yoongi.” When Jungkook looked at Yoongi he felt even worse. Yoongi’s face looked wrong. His brows were furrowed, frown set deep. Jungkook opened his mouth, though he wasn’t sure what he would have even said. Yoongi looked up suddenly wearing a fake smile.

“When we get kids, you should add them to the drawing. You know, so people don’t think we’re dating.” There was a bit of acid in his words. An accusation. Jungkook nodded, taking his sketchbook back from Yoongi’s outstretched hand.

Yoongi didn’t talk to him the rest of class. Jungkook didn’t say anything either. There was an ache in his chest, like a snake had wrapped itself around his lungs. And slowly, it was constricting, tighter and tighter until no more air could come in.

Jungkook texted Jimin during art class.

_ Jungkook: What do you do when you mess things up with Tae? _

The response was almost immediate.

_ Jimin: What do you mean? _

_ Jungkook: Wtf why are you texting in class bro? _

_ Jimin: YOU texted ME _

_ Jungkook: Yeah but you’re supposed to be the good student _

_ Jimin: Fuck off _

_ Jungkook: Lol _

_ Jungkook: Anyway _

_ Jungkook: I said something stupid and kind of mean in front of someone I like and idk what to do now… _

_ Jimin: What? _

_ Jimin: Who do you like? _

_ Jimin: Why don’t you tell me things dude? _

_ Jimin: When did you start liking them? And provide the name asap. _

Jungkook sighed. He didn’t think that decision through. His phone buzzed in his hand, but he just switched it to do not disturb and laid his head on his arms. This day was turning out to be egregiously long.

In seventh period Jungkook checked his phone again. It was a dumpster fire hell fest.

_ 178 unread messages. _

Most of which came from his friend’s groupchat, lovingly called “Jin’s dumb rat children.” Most of which demanded to know who Jungkook was into. Many of which were guesses.

It was like they were solving a cold case. Photos Jungkook didn’t even remember taking were being analyzed for possible crush options in the background. There were questions about who Jungkook had been hanging around, who was in his classes, who he might have met over the summer. It was executed with so much depth and effort, Jungkook was half tempted to tell them. 

But Hoseok knew Yoongi. For some reason that made him feel strange. Like he was somehow having a secret affair. Like he was the mistress pulling Yoongi away from Hoseok. It didn’t make sense. Hoseok wouldn’t care. Hoseok would probably be thrilled they got along. Or well, they used to. Jungkook feared he may have ruined their newly blooming friendship already.

Jungkook knew he would be forced to confront the others on the bike ride home from school. So, after the final bell, he steeled his nerves and headed to the exit. Jimin and Taehyung were waiting by the door.

“You bastard, whore, greedy little slut.” Jimin began upon seeing Jungkook.

“Nice to see you too.” Jungkook replied.

“You really dropped that bomb and dipped, didn’t you?” Taehyung shook his head, as the three of them made their way to the bike racks.

“Sorry. And I’m not gonna tell you who it is.” Jungkook smiled as his two friends shrieked in horror.

“You can’t play with us like that! That’s not fair!” Jimin cried.

“At least let us try to guess. If we’re right, you have to say we’re right, okay?” Taehyung pleaded. Jungkook laughed.

“Okay.”

“You have to promise!”

“Okay, okay, I promise.”

“Good.” Taehyung’s eyes lit up with determination, “My theory may sound crazy, but I need you to hear me out. Is it Jiho?” Jungkook nearly dropped his bike.

“What the fuck? No! Ew, what kind of guess is that?” Jungkook sputtered.

“I don’t know, I’m just trying shit out! You love that enemies to lovers stuff.” Jimin hit Tae in the arm.

“I told you it wouldn’t be Jiho.”

“Like your guess is any better.”

“My guess is better. Jungkook, is it Daehyun?” Jungkook froze. 

_ You said you wanted me. Are you fucking with me? Is that it? Whiny bitch.  _ Quickly, Jungkook shook his head.

“That’s a worse guess.” He tightened his grip on the bike, trying to head the slight tremble in his hands.

“Well, sorry. But you never said why you broke up with him, so I thought maybe…” Jimin seemed to sense it was a bad topic, “But whatever. I was wrong. Tae, you got any more guesses?”

“Oh,  _ do  _ I!” Taehyung’s face lit up with a grin that could only spell disaster. Still, Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s antics. 

The guesses continued all night. They trickled into conversation while the trio worked on their homework. Or rather while Jimin and Taehyung worked on their homework and Jungkook drew highly detailed eyes in the corner of his math notebook. They became a game during dinner, Jimin’s parents even joining in. The guesses only stopped when the sun had long past set and Taehyung had gone home for the night.

Jungkook knew they were teasing him. He knew that. But it still made him feel a bit icky. A bit like something was trying to break through his skin and crawl around his insides.

Jungkook hated that he felt like that. He hated that he couldn’t just take a fucking joke.

“Kook?” Jimin said suddenly, looking up from his desk where he was finishing an essay.

“Hm?” Jungkook paused in his failing attempt at drawing a rabbit. The eyes just looked too… small? Maybe a little bit dead? He wasn’t sure, but there was definitely something off.

“About earlier. I never answered your question.” Jungkook blinked. What had he asked again?

“You asked what I did when I messed things up with Tae. Said the wrong thing, you know?”

“You don’t have to answer, I was just…” Jungkook sighed, “I don’t know.”

“I just talk to him. I just say sorry.” Jimin said, far too determined to answer.

“Oh.”

“Sorry if that’s not the answer you wanted. But, it works, so… maybe give it a try?”

“Yeah, maybe I will.” Jungkook nodded, picking at his nails. His pointer finger looked like it might start bleeding soon. He didn’t stop.

“I think if you really like this guy and he really likes you, he’ll forgive you. So,” The mattress dipped with Jimin’s weight. A hand grabbed Jungkook’s, stopping him from tearing at his cuticles. “So don’t worry so much.”

“I… I’ll try.” Jungkook mumbled, feeling too exposed to look at Jimin’s face. Suddenly, a sloppy kiss was planted on his forehead.

“Jimin, what the fuck?” He shrieked, wiping furiously at the saliva tainting his face. Jimin just laughed and wrapped him a hug.

“You wouldn’t look at my loving expression, so I had to show you my love somehow.” Jimin whined, but he was smiling. Jungkook smiled back.

“Yeah, yeah, I got the message. And it was nasty.” Jimin slapped his chest lightly.

“You want another one? Sounds like you want another one!” Jungkook screamed as Jimin started trying to kiss his face again, lips puckered like a fish.

“No! Ah! Jimin, stop!” He laughed as Jimin’s attack turned to tickling.

Finally, after several minutes of struggle and vicious battle, the two stopped. They lay on their backs, both slightly out of breath as they stared at the pictures taped to Jimin’s ceiling.

“Remember when we first met? On the playground?” Jimin asked, voice soft.

“How could I forget? You were such a freak.” Jungkook smiled, heart fond.

“Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we never met.” Jungkook’s smile fell a bit, “Would you have been okay? Would you have found someone else? Would I have been okay?” It was something Jungkook wondered about too. Though grim, he knew he would probably be dead without Jimin in his life. It was a scary thought, so he never told anyone.

“I don’t like imagining a world like that.” He mutters in response.

“Me neither.” Jimin said back. They lay there in silence for a moment, staring at pictures of them much younger. Smiles bright and easy. Like everything was just easy. Like back then they couldn’t even imagine life could ever be as it was now. Like that Jungkook never thought everything could fall apart so easily.

“We should sleep.” Jimin whispered. Jungkook nodded and curled close to him as they moved to get under the covers. The body heat felt selfish.

“Goodnight, Kook.”

“Night, Jiminie.” 

Jungkook couldn’t sleep that night.

In sociology the next day Yoongi didn’t talk to him. Well, he did, but not  _ really _ . He greeted Jungkook, answered when he was asked a question, even asked Jungkook how his day was going. But it was like there was a plexiglass wall between them. His words came out muffled and too soft to reach through. So Jungkook decided it would be easier to just not try to make them reach at all.

Jimin got home later than Jungkook three days a week for dance practice. Three days a week Jimin collapsed right onto his bed, bone deep exhaustion on his face, muscles coiled tight like spring traps. Jungkook, being the dutiful friend he was, massaged his muscles, hummed softly because he knew it helped Jimin relax, and didn’t talk about dance.

That Tuesday was different because Jimin wanted to talk about dance.

“I’m tired, Kook.” He muttered into his pillow. Jungkook hummed. He always said that.

“Hobi’s been running us ragged with these drills. I know he’s graduating and that’s why he wants the showcase to go well, but we’re not even gonna be able to learn the dance at this rate. I can barely fucking walk in the morning.” He did not always say that. Jungkook decided to roll with it.

“You say all that, but when you’re captain next year you’ll be doing the same thing.” He teased, pushing hard at an especially difficult knot in Jimin’s back. All of a sudden, Jimin lifted his head off of the pillow to glare at Jungkook.

“Don’t say that.” Jungkook paused.

“Sorry. I’m sure you’ll be a very compassionate captain.” Jimin’s frown deepened.

“That’s not-” Jimin sighed, rolling onto his back and sitting up on his elbows, “I don’t know if I’ll be captain next year. Hobi hasn’t said anything.”

“Hobi’s busy. He doesn’t even have time to eat these days. Who else would he even pick?” Jungkook reassured him.

“I don’t know. I’m just… I don’t know.” Jimin looked out the window, gnawing at his lip. Jungkook looked to the window too. The sun was setting already. A sign of cold winter days approaching. He looked back to Jimin.

“You’re the best dancer on the team. And you’re the most organized person I know. There’s no one more fit for captain than you. Hobi knows that.”

“Really?” Jimin asked, wearing a cute pout. Jungkook smiled and tapped Jimin’s nose.

“Really. What do you always say to me? Don’t stress about it.” Jimin laughed breathily.

“You’re right. I’m just…”

“Tired?”

“Yeah. Super fucking tired.” Jungkook laid next to Jimin.

“I know how you feel.”

Yoongi doesn’t talk to Jungkook on Wednesday.

Jungkook drops his sketchbook in art class and god must really hate him because it opens to the drawing of him and Yoongi.  _ A family portrait _ . Families fight sometimes, Jungkook decided. Every family fights.  _ And some families break apart _ .

Jungkook shut the sketchbook with a little too much force, dropped it back onto the table with a little too much frustration. It wasn’t supposed to be that deep. They weren’t actually married. They were barely even friends.  _ But you like him. A lot. _ Yeah.

At his internship, Jungkook spilled coffee all over the break room floor. No one yelled at him. No one told him to clean it up. Jiho didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Jungkook felt enough shame without the words he knew lingered around him like a cloud.

When he was doing homework, Jungkook’s bio professor emailed him asking if he needed extra tutoring. Jimin asked him what was wrong. Jungkook said it was nothing. But a look at his grades had nausea rising in his gut.

It was nearly eleven at night when Jungkook got a text from his mother. He didn’t want to look. He looked anyway.

“What is it?” Jimin mumbled, half asleep already. Jungkook just stared, the words making his eyes burn. When he didn’t answer, Jimin sat up, more alert.

“Kook?” Jungkook shoved his phone toward Jimin. He was quiet while he read the text.

“Fuck,” Jimin muttered, “Fuck.”

_ Your grandmother will be staying with us starting tomorrow night. Come home tomorrow or we’re sending you to boarding school. _

“Yeah. Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw did you think things were going to get better? Cute :)
> 
> I haven't uploaded in a while so she's packed full of ~drama~
> 
> I had plans to add more to this chapter, but I decided against it to keep this chapter strictly angst and JK suffering lmao. But that means the next chapter is pretty much planned out so it'll be published sooner than like a month!
> 
> Anyway, if I don't upload again before Halloween than happy Halloween and stay socially distanced for your and everyone else's wellbeing.
> 
> I love you guys, stay safe out there <3


	14. Sophomore year: week 3 pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook finds that words aren't the only thing that speak.

Jungkook’s world had been engulfed in a hazy fog since he read that text, that horrible, terrible text. He somehow managed to avoid a panic attack, mostly due to the fact he seemed to have gone completely numb emotionally.

His body moved by itself. It woke itself up in the morning, though Jungkook wasn’t sure if he had actually slept or just closed his eyes. It brushed his teeth, choked down some toast after a few minutes of Jimin’s insistence. And now it leaned against a locker, watching his friends talk, but not hearing anything.

After what felt like only seconds, the bell rang and Jimin was hugging him, asking if he would be okay, asking if he wanted to skip today, asking what he needed. Jungkook didn’t know, didn’t know, didn’t know.

He moved through the school day like a puppet, some handler controlling his limbs with silvery white strings. His movements stiff, like he was made of wood and metal, blank expression painted on with acrylics.

“Hey.” Jungkook looked up from the table. Yoongi.  _ Say something. _ But his mouth didn’t move. He just nodded in acknowledgement.

Jungkook watched Yoongi sit intently. There was an unrecognizable energy about him. Like energy fizzling under the surface. Questions bouncing against the roof of his mouth.

“Yoongi.” Jungkook said without thinking. Yoongi looked at him, a little too startled, a little too concerned.

“Yeah?” He asked. Jungkook blinked. He didn’t know what to say. What did he want to say?  _ I just talk to him. I just say sorry. _

Jungkook opened his mouth, but at that moment Mr. Ko decided to start class.

“Nevermind.” He mumbled, shrinking into himself and turning to the front of the room. He felt the burn of Yoongi’s gaze on him for a long time after.

Jungkook didn’t want to leave after the final bell rang. If he left he would have to pack and then he would have to go back to his own house. So he decided to stay late. Jimin had dance practice anyway. So who would really notice if he didn’t get home for a few extra hours?

He found himself wandering the empty halls by himself. It was almost peaceful, the only sounds coming from various clubs hidden away in classrooms.

He wandered until he reached Ms. Kang’s art room. Pausing outside the door, Jungkook couldn’t hear anyone inside. Tentatively, he tried to open the door, hoping it wasn’t locked. It wasn’t.

The empty art room sent a wave of calm over Jungkook’s heart. He made his way around the room, fingertips brushing against the paint stained tables, soft smile growing as he examined artwork sitting out to dry. It was perfect. It felt like… like home.

“Jungkook?” A voice called out, Jungkook jumped out of his skin, whipping around to face the door. He stared at Ms. Kang, wide eyed and guilty.

“Did you need something from me?” She asked gingerly. Jungkook shook his head.

“I was just wandering and thought I’d… um, I don’t know. Sorry, I’ll go.” He ducked his head, and started toward the door.

“No need,” He froze, looking back at Ms. Kang and her soft smile, “If you don’t have anything better to do you can help me out. I’m cleaning paint brushes. Drama club stole some and didn’t bother to clean up.” She held up two cups of dirty brushes.

“Oh, um, yeah, I can help.” He took one of the cups and walked over to the sinks with her. The sink water came out too cold, it was never warm in the art room.

Jungkook watched colors swirl down the drain and stain his hands as he cleaned the brushes. Some were almost too messed up to even clean. Their bristols crisp and stuck together with dried paint never washed away.

He cursed under his breath while attempting to clean a particularly fucked brush, making Ms. Kang laugh lightly next to him.

“Some of these are in pretty bad shape, huh?” Jungkook nodded.

“We might need to just throw them out.” He muttered, glaring at what was more like a wooden stuck than a brush.

“Just because they’re damaged doesn’t mean they’re useless. And,” Ms. Kang held up a ruined brush she somehow managed to save, “Anything can be fixed with a little effort and care. See?” She looked at him with a warm smile. Jungkook looked at the damaged good in his hand, his heart aching for some strange reason.

“Don’t give up on that brush, so easy. It’ll make something beautiful when you help it out. Believe me.” He swallowed, getting back to work on the brush.

“I believe you.”

Jungkook met up with Jimin later that day. Jimin didn’t ask about the paint on his hands, didn’t ask why he was going home so late. Just greeted him with a sleepy smile and wrapped a sweaty arm around Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Jimin?” Jungkook asked when they reached the bike racks.

“Hm?”

“Can we walk home? I know you’re tired and you probably wanna get there fast, but I just…” Jungkook sighed. Jimin looked at him, a contemplative expression on his face.

“Yeah, Kook. Let’s take our time today.” He agreed, grabbing his bike and starting to walk it toward the direction of his house. Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat and followed suit. The sky was gray. It would rain tonight.

At the Parks, Jungkook put the last of his stuff in the duffle he had just brought over a week prior. The sun was going to set soon, but Jungkook felt too sick to leave.

“They aren’t serious, right?” Jimin asked, entering his room with hair freshly washed, “About boarding school? They won’t really send you, will they?”

“They’ve got the money to. And…” Jungkook played with the zipper of his bag, “And I don’t think I want to chance it.” Jimin hummed and sat next to him on the bed.

“Are you gonna be okay?” He asked, so soft that the sound of raindrops hitting the window pane almost drowned him out.

“I have to be.” Jungkook mumbled in reply.

“Call me, alright? As soon as you can.” Jimin took his hands, pulling Jungkook so he was forced to face him. Jungkook just nodded.

“I love you, Kook.” He pulled him into a tight hug. Jungkook closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears threatening to fall.

“Love you too.”

Jimin’s dad drove him home, his bike placed haphazardly in the trunk of the Park’s minivan. Jungkook said his goodbyes over the sound of pouring rain and thunder.

Jungkook’s house was too cold. It was late September now, the warm days of summer long gone but the heat not yet turned on. His mother was sitting in the living room when he walked in. She glanced at him, something unreadable in her eyes.

“Your father is picking up halmoni from the train station, go put your things away and try to look more presentable.” She ordered. Jungkook hesitated. He didn’t know what he’d expected. More acknowledgement than that maybe? Some reference that the fight they’d had had actually happened. That Jungkook wasn’t the only one who’d been living some weird altered reality.

“They’ll be home soon, get moving.” Jungkook started to his room, letting his footsteps fall a little heavier than he normally would. It felt childish, but then, so did he.

His room was untouched. It’d been around three weeks, but it felt like much shorter. Jungkook fell back on the fluffy black comforter and closed his eyes.

He should shower, unpack, pull himself together. But he was tired. It was like just the act of stepping back inside the house drained him of all of his energy. Even so, there were things he had to do. Life didn’t stop for his over dramatic mood swings.

The shower helped, made him feel a little warmer, a little more alive. He blow dried his hair and threw on a button up and jeans. It was presentable enough, it would have to be.

Around thirty minutes later, Jungkook’s father and halmoni arrived home. The sound of the door shutting had nausea twisting his gut already. He took a few deep breaths before going downstairs.

His parents were talking with his halmoni, fake smiles plastered on their faces. Jungkook tried to smile as he went down the stairs. It came out like a grimace.

“Jungkook, there you are. You look much taller now.” Halmoni greeted, Jungkook laughed politely.

“Yes, thank you.” She tilted her head.

“But you could stand to eat more. You look like a skeleton.” Now his parents laughed politely, but Jungkook’s gut just sank. He was already making them look bad.

“Ah, halmoni, you know how teenage boys are. Their metabolism is faster than their mouths can keep up.” His mother said, placing a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. He almost flinched at the contact. When was the last time she’d touched him?

“Then shall we eat? I’m positively starving.”

Jungkooks grandmother was very different from his parents in several ways. One way being that she was not shy with her affection. She was constantly fawning over Jungkook, telling him to eat, buying him gifts, showering him in attention. But that attention came at a price. That price being that she criticized and scrutinized Jungkook’s every breath. However, she only took it out on his parents, who in turn took it out on him when she was out of the room.

“Jungkook, eat more rice.” Jungkook's grandmother ordered then paused, “Though, Jisong, the rice is a bit overcooked, don’t you think?” Jungkook watched his mother’s fist clench under the table.

“My apologies, halmoni. I was speaking with a business associate while preparing dinner. I must have gotten distracted.” Halmoni scoffed.

“Hayoon, this is why your father and I wanted you to marry the Song’s daughter. She would have known her place in the household.”

“Halmoni…” His father muttered, for all his brashness toward Jungkook, he was more soft spoken than a lamb in the presence of his own mother. Jungkook supposed mothers just had that kind of power over their children.

Jungkook’s mother slammed her chopsticks down and stood up, her hands bracing the table.

“Would anyone like a drink? I think I’ll have some soju since it’s raining.” Her voice was tight.

“Drinking too? Hayoonie, it’s not too late to remarry.” Jungkook watched with wide eyes as his mother pushed herself away from the table and sped into the kitchen. His father just sat there, expression full of unease.

“Quite the temper on her.” Halmoni mumbled. “Jungkook, how are you doing in school? Top of your class, I assume.” If you looked at the list upside down he was.

“I’m doing my best.” He answered halfheartedly. She would see through any lie he told, she always did.

“Hm. And your internship at the company? Have you been doing well there?” He wasn’t  _ not  _ doing well. He just wasn’t doing much of anything at all.

“Jungkook’s supervisor is always praising him highly. The internship only lasts a few more weeks, but I’m sure they’ll ask him to return again in the Summer.” His father answered for him. Jungkook’s stomach sank with dread. He’d been looking forward to the internship program’s end and now he was already set to spend his whole summer doing it again?

“Excellent. I’m sure your future will be bright. Just make sure to study hard.” Jungkook nodded.

“I will, halmoni.” His mother returned, face slightly flushed, but posture much more certain. She took her seat and began to eat again, not saying a word. Jungkook’s grandmother stared her down.

“Didn’t bring any to share?” She asked, tone bright, but expression cold. His mother didn’t even look up.

“If you want some you can take it yourself. It’s what you do best, isn’t it?” She replied eyes glaring angrily at the vegetables in front of her.

“Jisong!” Halmoni hissed.

“Jisong, you shouldn’t-” His father began but stopped, sending a nervous look to his mother, “Apologize.”

“I’m feeling quite tired.” His mother announced, without looking at anyone in particular, “I’ll see you in the morning.” She left the room stiffly, fists clenching tightly. Jungkook almost felt bad for her. For all the bad she’d done, he couldn’t convince himself she deserved it.

Jungkook called Jimin late that night, told him he was fine, listened when Jimin told him a funny story about Hoseok at dance practice that day. Jimin asked if he would be able to sleep. He said maybe. He wouldn’t.

And he didn’t.

The next day, Jungkook suffered through a tense breakfast with his family. He attempted to eat, though the tightness of the room and the lack of sleep made his stomach swirl and bile build in his throat. His mother wouldn’t speak to his grandmother, wouldn’t even look at her. His father wouldn’t defend her. 

It was cowardly, Jungkook thought. Perhaps that was where he had gotten his own cowardice from.

At school, Jungkook didn’t do much other than try to stay awake. He was sure his friends were probably concerned, but he was too focused on the effort of keeping his eyes open and his body upright to be certain.

Yoongi didn’t talk to him that day either, but he did glance at him too much to be normal. Jungkook didn’t know what it said about him that he was so conscious of Yoongi’s every move when he barely even knew if his friends had spoken to him at lunch.

Afterschool Jungkook decided to stay late again. He was exhausted, but if he went home he wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to nap anyway. He needed Jimin. Jimin’s warm house, warm bed, warm hugs. He was so cold.

Wandering the school in search of a place to sleep, Jungkook found himself drifting toward the music wing. It was empty, common for a Friday as most clubs took the day off. But as he walked through the hall of practice rooms, he heard a soft melody. He paused in his steps, listening closer.

It sounded almost like a lullaby, but more… lonely. He slowly made his way closer to the source, stopping in front of a gray door where the music was loudest. Would it be weird for him to enter? He didn’t know anyone in music, so there was no chance he’d know whoever was playing. What would he even say? “Sorry I got lost. Is this the art room?”

In his exhausted, mind-muddled fog, he decided to stop hesitating and open the door.

The music stopped suddenly.

Jungkook stared.

Min Yoongi stared back.

“I- um, sorry.” He muttered, regret burning his lungs. Yoongi seemed to shake himself out of a trance.

“No, it’s fine. Did you- did you want to use the piano? I know I didn’t reserve the space, but I figured no one would be here and, well, this is the best piano, so….” Oh god. Oh _ god _ . Yoongi thought he was the one in the wrong. Yoongi thought he was the problem. Jungkook was such a piece of shit.

“No, I’m not- I-” His face became significantly redder, “I heard the music and it just- it sounded nice, so I wanted to, like, see who was playing? I don’t really know. I’m kind of tired.”

Yoongi’s expression softened.

“Are you okay, Jungkook?” He asked. His voice was soothing, Jungkook realized. He would pay money to hear Yoongi do asmr.

“I’m not great, but then, what’s new?” Jungkook laughed bitterly. There was a pause, a moment of silence between them. But it didn’t feel weird.

“Do you wanna sit? I can play something, if, um, that’ll help you feel better.” Yoongi offered. Jungkook’s eyes widened. Why was Yoongi being so nice? He’d basically yelled at him on Monday, ignored him all week, and now he was interrupting his practice time. So why, why was Yoongi trying to help him?

“If you don’t want to that’s fine. You just seem like you’ve had a pretty shit week.” Jungkook should say no. Jungkook should let Yoongi go. Jungkook should stop burdening someone so truly  _ good _ . 

But Yoongi was looking at him with those soft eyes, that expression of understanding. And Jungkook didn’t know how to tell him no.

So that was how he ended up there, sitting on a piano bench so close to Yoongi that their shoulders were pressed up against each other. They didn’t speak for a while, Yoongi just played a piece Jungkook didn’t know, something delicate and wonderful. He liked it. He liked Yoongi.

The week had sucked not speaking to him. He missed their banter, though it wasn’t too crazy, wasn’t too deeply rooted in a solid friendship. It was a part of his day he always looked forward to. And going a whole week without it made him a kind of sad he hadn’t felt before.

“Yoongi?” Jungkook prompted. Yoongi glanced at him, careful fingers continuing the melody, even when his eyes left the keys.

“I’m sorry, about what I said earlier this week.” His breathing felt shaky. Yoongi looked back down at his hands, pausing their dance across the keys.

“Don’t apologize for being straight, that’s weird.” He said jokingly, but his tone was laced with hurt.

“That’s- I’m- I shouldn’t have made it seem like being gay is bad. I don’t think it is.” Jungkook explained, then, with bated breath, “And it’s not true anyway. I’m not straight.”

Yoongi tensed next to him. What if Yoongi was uncomfortable now? But then why would Jungkook’s comment earlier make him upset?

“Oh.” He said. Oh? What did that mean?

“I only said it because… I mean I’m not closeted, I’m not hiding it or anything. I’m just not… announcing it. And when Eun was so casual I guess I just got kind of… freaked out?” His heart was pounding. Yoongi still wasn’t saying anything.  _ Yoongi, say something! _

Then, after a too long moment.

“I’m gay too. I get it.” Yoongi was looking at him again, soft smile on his pink lips. Jungkook melted. He smiled back.

“I’m sorry, again. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t out at my last school, so I can relate to that panic.” Jungkook nodded, body relaxing in relief. Yoongi’s fingers tensed on the keys, and for a moment Jungkook thought he might start to play again. But then he spoke.

“The reason you haven’t been sleeping, it’s not- it’s not because you were stressed about me, right? Because I’ll feel like shit if I made you feel that bad.” Yoongi asked suddenly, eyebrows pinched.

“No, no, not at all. I mean, I definitely wasn’t happy about that situation, but that’s not the main reason.” Jungkook reassured. Yoongi looked relieved, but then concerned again.

“So what was bothering you?” Jungkook wasn’t sure how to explain in a way that wouldn’t be horribly concerning to someone outside the situation.

“I just… I have trouble sleeping at home. I don’t know why, but I just can’t fall asleep at my own house. So I’ve been sleeping at my friend’s. Except, last night I had to go back and I just… I just couldn’t sleep, I guess.” Jungkook sighed.

“That sucks. You should sleep at your friend’s more often.” Yoongi said firmly. Jungkook almost laughed.

“I think I sleep there too much.”

“I think you sleep there not enough.” They stared at each other, eyes locked tight. Jungkook broke first, a smile creeping on his face.

“That sentence made no sense.”

“You’re tired, maybe you’re just hearing things wrong.” Yoongi shrugged, blushing. It was cute.

“I don’t think I am. I think, maybe you need to brush up on your Korean.” He teased.

“My first language is music, you know. Words are just… ugh.” Yoongi waved his hands in the air with a scowl. Jungkook laughed.

“Music, huh? Say something to me in music then. I’ll guess what it means.” Yoongi’s face reddened even more, so much so that Jungkook wondered if he had just asked something horribly embarrassing of him.

“Fine. Let me think for a second.” Yoongi looked down at the keys, hesitated, and then, with a small exhale, his hands came to life. Jungkook watched in awe as Yoongi’s fingers slid across the keys, moving like they were performing a dance.

The melody swirled around the two of them, kissing Jungkook’s cheek and playing with his hair. It rose and dipped and spun like cherry blossoms falling in the spring. It sounded like… a little bit like… 

Jungkook flushed as the last note reverberated in the practice room. He felt flustered and woozy.

“So,” Yoongi began, a little breathless, “What do you think it meant?” Jungkook looked into his dark eyes. He knew exactly what it meant. He couldn’t say it.

“I don’t know,” He lied, looking down, “I guess music isn’t one of my languages.”

“What’s your first language then?”

“Art. Painting, drawing. Visual things.”

“So not words then.” Yoongi laughed softly.

“Not words.” Jungkook agreed.

“You should draw me something. I’ll guess what it means.” Yoongi suggested. The request was said casually, but the energy in the room buzzed because of it. Jungkook tilted his head thoughtfully.

“I already drew something. You can guess what that means.” Now it was Yoongi who flushed. He seemed to understand. Suddenly feeling shy, Jungkook looked away with a little smile.

“I should get going.” He said, standing up from the bench.

“Jungkook.” Yoongi grabbed his wrist. “If you ever feel bad and you want to do this again, um, you should text me.” Jungkook blinked, then grinned.

“And what if I don’t feel bad but I want to do it again anyway?” Yoongi grinned back.

“Then text me. Just… text me.” Jungkook nodded, feeling a little high.

“I’ll text you.” He pulled on his backpack and made his way to the door, “Bye, Min Yoongi.” Yoongi laughed, breathy and short.

“Bye, Jeon Jungkook.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me swooning over my own love scenes lmao
> 
> I had so much fun writing that Yoonkook bit and oh boy is there gonna be more where that came from. Everything in this fic is just angst and sadness except Yoonkook which is just s o f t.
> 
> The reason this took so long is because I kept getting ideas for scenes and events that happen later in the story so I was writing those instead of this haha. But out of that time I've decided this is going to be divided into two (maybe 3, we'll see) books. Don't worry though, Yoonkook will be fully fleshed out and super fucking cute long before this one is even done. The next book will be much more, uh, emo? dark? poetic? idk? This one is just sort of Jungkook being cute even though bad things keep happening to him lol.
> 
> Anyway, I love you guys and appreciate your support so much. I hope you're all doing well mentally and physically. Stay safe out there 💖

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first BTS fic and is very much inspired by Suburbia by EllieK (definitely go read it). I'll try to update as often as possible.


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